EYN AEYNN'S

Rainbow after the heavy rain

2010-03-25T13:30:00.003+08:00

Dear lovely Readers,

I'm touched by all of your concern. I appreciate all your advices. Thanks so much. I know you want the best for me. I've taken all your words into my fullest consideration. All of your advices mean so much to me. Be it the negatives or the positives. I treasure them so much. (:

However, my readers, my apologies if my decision triggers any emotions in your heart. To me, if my heart is sincere in loving him, even if he hurts me that much, i would sincerely forgive him and gives him another chance. No man is born perfect without any mistakes. I may not know what was running through his mind at that point of time, when he did that mistake. Perhaps, he was too confused. Too sudden to absorb anything to his mind. As a human and as someone who loves him truly, i should understand him and the position he was in.

I am angry, no doubt. But if i were to only see the negativities in him, and all the faults he made, wouldnt that mean, i'm dwelling on this matter? When this can actually be settled in a good way.

Remember, in every trials and sorrows He gives us, He has a reason. God is always fair to his people and never fail to give us chances every now and then, despite the disappointments we've given him. Thus, what status do i have not to forgive Hasif and who am i not to give him another chance?

After knowing my decision, once again, i apologise if i have disappoint any one here. Believe me, that's never my intention. I'm just following my heart, who's sincerely loves Hasif truly.

Thanks for the understanding (:

A transfer in the century

2010-03-03T14:09:00.001+08:00

http://kitteyn.onsugar.com

The Sea the breeze, anyone?

2010-03-02T21:43:00.003+08:00

Just as i thought, everything is going on perfectly fine, it seems like many things are still lacking. All the million thoughts that kept swirling in my little head just couldn't get itself out. I truly miss the time when i'm out with someone without having to worry about anything, doing just nothing with each other's companion. A great outing those were with smiles in within.

Craving for various kind of titbits, lazing around the coastline, chatting about all sorts of thing with the refreshing breeze to sweep the feet off. Definitely there is someone in the mind for whom i wanna share those moments with. Unfortunately, I couldnt foresee it to be coming all true.

The wraft is just so strong that i feel like abandoning red away.

Truth hurts Lies even worst

2010-02-28T11:18:00.005+08:00

And now, why on earth am i crying a river?

[P. Diddy - talking]
Hold up, let me answer my phone
Some bitch callin me about some bullshit probably
I'ma call you right back
I'm doin this mixtape right here
Now back to what I was sayin

[Verse 1 - Mario Winans]
Somebody said they saw you
The person you were kissing wasn't me
And I would never ask you
I just kept it to myself

[Chorus - Mario Winans]
I don't wanna know
If your playin me, keep it on the low
Cause my heart can't take it anymore
And if your creepin, please don't let it show
Oh baby, I don't wanna know

[Verse 2 - Mario Winans]
Oh baby
I think about it when I hold you
When lookin in your eyes, I can't believe
I don't need to know the truth
Baby keep it to yourself

[Chorus - Mario Winans]
I don't wanna know
If your playin me, keep it on the low
Cause my heart can't take it anymore
And if your creepin, please don't let it show
Oh baby, I don't wanna know

[Break - Mario Winans]
Did he touch you better then me (touch you better then me)
Did he watch you fall asleep (watch you fall asleep)
Did you show him all those things that you used to do to me (do to me baby)
If your better off that way (better off that way)
Baby what I like to say (all that I can say)
Go on and do your thing and don't come back to me
(Stay away from me baby)

[Verse 3 - P. Diddy]
I don't wanna know where your whereabouts or how you movin
I know when you in the house or when you cruisin
It's been proven, my love you abusin
I can't understand, how a man got you choosin (yeah)
Undecided, I came and provided ma
My undivided, you came and denied it (why?)
Don't even try it, I know when you lyin (I know when you lyin)
Don't even do that, I know why you cryin (stop cryin)
I'm not applyin no pressure, just wanna let you know
That I don't wanna let you go (I don't wanna let you go)
And I don't wanna let you leave
Can't say I didn't let you breathe
Gave you extra cheese (c'mon), put you in the SUV
You wanted ice so I made you freeze
Made you hot like the West Indies (that's right)
Now it's time you invest in me
Cause if not then it's best you leave
Holla, yeah

[Chorus - Mario Winans]
I don't wanna know
If your playin me, keep it on the low
Cause my heart can't take it anymore
And if your creepin, please don't let it show
Oh baby, I don't wanna know

If your playin me, keep it on the low
Cause my heart can't take it anymore
And if your creepin, please don't let it show
Oh baby, I don't wanna know

If your playin me, keep it on the low
Cause my heart can't take it anymore
And if your creepin, please don't let it show
Oh baby, I don't wanna know

Reversible change

2010-02-27T23:31:00.001+08:00

I miss the old me.
In need of getting back on track during the holidays.
Many things are awaiting.

Light in the darkness ♥♥

2010-02-25T20:10:00.010+08:00

Beneath those disappointments, it actually potrays your concern for me. In which that really touches my heart deep down.

I was late for exam. Thus, upon reaching the hall, i hurriedly placed my bag at any random shelf that caught my eyes, sharing it with a stranger. After the paper has ended, i took my handphone out before I saw the screen stated, "insert sim card". Initially i thought, perhaps something was wrong with the position of the card. While i was walking out of the hall, to my dismay, the card wasnt there. It went missing. Told the classmates around me about the incident. Tried searching again for the card, which prolly had slipped off from the phone, but sadly, it was to no avail. Not to mention about the security guard who apparently dosent seem to understand. He was shooing us away, even at the staircase itself which was quite a distance from the exam hall. Annoying much that was, but then again, couldnt really mock him; a duty is one's responsibility.

Despite the scoldings i got from ♥♥, at heart, i know, he actually care for me. For my well being especially. Whatever he said and all of his advices, really remind me of Ayah. I didnt really take Ayah's words into consideration despite the umpteen times of getting scolded. Instead i chucked them all aside due to the harsh content. Now, this is the mishap i have to overcome. A learning point of never to act obstinately, which leads to carelessness. At a whole, i really have to change my negligence attitude. And be more sensitive towards the surrouding.

♥♥, thanks for being there by my side. The expression on your face and the great efforts you put in, in helping me out really says alot about you, regarding your sincerity in being with me.

On the disappointing note, our regular morning, afternoon & night calls will be temporary inactivity. Sobs. Gonna miss him real bad. I supposed he's feeling the same way too :)

However, after much discussing over at school, we're gonna go back to our olden days. Those days where everything was suppressed, trying to act cool about the feelings for each other. Teehee. Webcammy! ((:

Excited. I can't wait. Anticipating tonight, definitely! (:

Anyhow, both Maths and Digital electronics were manageable than i thought they would be. Thanks to those who sincerely gave their helping hands to assist me with the modules. I really owe you people one! (: Electric Circuit next before the start of the holiday (:

1046, i hope to atleast pass it. Wasnt really prepared for it. Gosh.

Saturday with LiveAudios peeps over at Marina i assumed? And Sunday with the O-Eng peeps hitting the books at Tea dot, Tamp 1. Woohoo! (:

2 hearts beat as One

2010-02-22T12:35:00.006+08:00

True enough, a connection between two during the early stage can be very complicated. Thus, in order to maintain a strong and successful one, both partners must accept the things that they need to work at. Simply put, both must realise that in any form of connection/relationship, there is NO such thing as perfection. For there is always the possibility of problems that might occur, in which both parties need to understand with full hindsight. By taking consistent effort to ensure that the connection states between duo survives, that is!

Lack of communication is the biggest cause to a failed connection ties. With it, one person could not understand the other's perspective. Thus, no doubt, communication is the key in every form of relationship/connection. It's clear; the more you communicate your thoughts and feelings to one another, the more understanding you will have.

You skipped your class for me, to let me feel your presence, to ease my insecurities, to wind down my vulnerability.

You hugged me tight, to let me feel your limitless love, to let me shun all negativities away, to let me breathe a new set of confidence in this genuine thing between us. Though me, with my facade, trying my very best to be all strong.

You contacted my mum to cool me down, trying all sorts of way to subside all those irritable emotions in me. You ran after the lorry i was in, to have your sight on me. You travelled to my granny's place, to be near me.

You made a journey to my block despite the night and the sore leg you suffered in. You kept me company through the wee, to ensure my well being, notwithstanding the weariness you felt after a long hard day on me.

A day may have a few hours. A day may easily be forgotten. A day may seem just a day to oneself. But that day, on the twenty-first of february, you really made my day. A day where your love really truly engulfs inside of me. I love you.

I never made a wrong move when i chose you. I never regretted having you as my one and only. A man may have different flowers BUT he has ONLY one rose. I believe in that. And i believe in your love♥♥

p/s: Marine Parade Library with the darling classmate afterwards :)

Everything is done for

2010-02-21T10:49:00.004+08:00

Tons of thing were bombarding my head in the previous entry. Friday. I was faithfully waiting for your call, thinking about you all day long. During the wee, finally at 1.30am, i could finally hear your voice. Imagine how elated i was when i picked it up. A call that ive been waiting for hours, trying hard not to fall asleep. Sadly, it was just for mere minutes before you bid me goodbye. I was sad. Perhaps you were too tired and i let you to have your sleep. Little did i know that you were with someone else hours before. More disappointing when i knew nuts about it. Prolly you fear that i would think all negatives. Gosh, if you were to think that way, it just means that you've yet to know the real me. Worst, when i got to know that apparently the fault is on me, stating that i'm being ignorant of the efforts you put in this special thing between us. Imagine how sank my heart was the moment i stumbled into it. My apologies for everything.

You triggered my tears

2010-02-21T10:16:00.005+08:00

Each time when i'm out with someone. Especially with the other gender, i'd never keep that a secret. I'd say it out, to avoid all conflicts, to avoid any misunderstandings. We've talked through this a million time. Yet, apparently you dosent seem to care. Ive tried my best to make this special thing between us work. Somehow, i sensed that you're saying things about me behind. What wrong have i done? You're the reason why i always think foolishly. Why must there be secrets between us when YOU, YOURSELF denoted that there shouldnt be any. I'm not having grudges on anyone. Only this is what i feel. I doubt its gonna be easy the next time round. I need time alone!

NO POOL TODAY. i backed out. Sorry people!

ive lost my trust in you.

When one reaches you

2010-02-21T10:05:00.001+08:00

I couldnt be more thankful for having such a wonderful little sister who would stay by me through rain or shine. The one who would never fail to illuminate me with her joyous light (: I love you, sayang (:

She was in my arms, when a sudden question abruptly crossed her mind. It did make me ponder a little, hehs.

Question:
What will happen if i were to have a partner who has an extreme tight and busy schedule. More or less the question was.

That question dosen't really seem just an ordinary to me. It holds a heavier message inside; A clash between Reality and Irreality. Girls and boys may have a mindset that relationships are meant to soak them up with happiness. Thus, to them, a smooth sailing one with every now and then meet ups are appropriate. Hmms.

Well, true, at times, you need to rely on someone. But bear this in mind, NOT all the time. Back to little sister's question. Upon hearing it, i instantly put myself into the character's shoe. Extreme tight and busy schedule, which means at times, his chore could be more significant. In another words, to be a good partner, i truly need to be understanding here. Without it, everything will definitely go haywire, which many lacks in, be it in both parties. Like i said, most have the mindset that relationships are meant to have a frequent meet up and them, being the only priority in their partner's life. Which are to me, they're exactly false.

If that do happen to me in real life, i would... well, i have something in mind. Definitely won't say it out here. Haha. Just that, anything for that one and only, who's always there. But... dont ask me, i donnoe where. Nyahaha. (:

Okay, ignore about relationships. A pact has been made between Su, Shaq, Val, Mac and me over at Botanic garden yesterday. Which is to remain the singlehood status and mingle around with people of different walks of life throughout this three years journey. 2012 shall be the year where everything changed. Muahaha. And i'm keeping myself to it.

UNLESS..... unless if along the way, BY CHANCE, I met my very prince charming who could break the pact away with his very own special way? Nyahaha. Like both Haizad Imran and Taufik Batisah? (: Well, i doubt so. *smiles*

Heading Jemputan over at Tampines, followed by pool with the coursemate and Yoga's house for another session of squeezing the brain juice. hee :)

p/s: i love walking home alone from a distant area. The next round, anyone? (:

Will we rehearse the scene again?

2010-02-19T20:31:00.003+08:00

I vow to rant happiness from today onwards. I vow to minimise the griefs in life. Regrets, no doubt, they are are inevitable. But as long as we know the boundaries and are willing to take each and every of those mishaps into a learning point, I'm sure everything will be on the right path.

Something miracle. I know it isn't going to happen but somewhere there, deep down inside, i believe there is an inch of hope. Ever since i realised it in my facebook notification, something just assured me it is there. After which, a greeting was brought up. A sudden acknowledgement that was. Though it was only a brief, yet it could make the heart jump for joy. A starting point that was. Prolly. Nevertheless, i'm never gonna put my finger onto it. Perhaps, this only acts as a spectacle for the oblivous blind sight i have.

Truth is, I'm starting to take consideration about my future. Life isn't just a dream, nor a fantasy like how i always think it is. It needs planning, some sort of a predictor to predict and subsequently minimise any sorrows that might cost oneself in the near future. Emotions and feelings aren't the only consideration that has to be prioritised. There are other vital things that need to be taken care of.

Green + Red

2010-02-13T16:11:00.018+08:00

Meet him, Muhammad Hasif, the classmate. I doubt there is any post ranted about him. Thus, being a goooood classmate, i shall hereby make him be known in this little blog of mine. Nyahah. Hence you, better be grateful for having a very thoughtful classmate like me, okay? Thank me with 99 roses, that'd be much better. Haha, kidding! (:

He was just a little kid in my eyes during orientation. An annoying pest in precise. Thought of introducing him to my little sister, since he isnt that bad looking. Thus, i assumed perhaps, Kaseh would have eyes on him. That'd be great having a ''brother-in-law'' who is in the same class as me. Thus, with that, i could keep my eyes always on him, for my little sister. That was what i thought initially. haha! Well, they're hopes that last but a moment. You know, everything happens for a reason. Thus, anything that dosent happen also holds meaning behind it.

Little did i know that he too, takes 45 to school. With that, friendship between us strengthens. From those everyday trips, we got to know and learn about each other better; from our beau ideals to our biggest flaws. Thus, with each other's presence, we learnt more about ourselves and tried to morph into near perfection. Like any other friendship, we were never away from stumbling blocks. Misunderstandings, quarrels, disputes, silent treatments etc were like our everyday routine, caused by our own misapprehensions towards each other. At times, i used to think that till when will those harsh treatments stop. However, thank god, we could still hold fast to all obstacles that came to us. Eventually now, after knowing ourselves and our friendship better, apparently, a new fresh of air seems to blow soothingly in this friendly state of ours (:

Classmate, worry not, i shall protect you from all evils and immoralities. Thus, NO girlfriends and NO love stories. For girls can be a pain in the neck for you and at times, they can be evil. Hehs! Never let them get through you by conquering your sane mind. So girls, please hands off from this little classmate of mine okay! Let him be awarded at least a Diploma first! Thank you! ((:

And the funny thing is... People around thought that there is something going on between us, since we're always be seen together. Hoho. Once and for all, he is my dearest classmate. Thus, no framing us okay? Hehs! (: Hmm, i wonder what if we were together as a couple... hmm..mwahahha *laughs cheekily* ((: Hasif, jom, kita ketawa bersama-sama (: heee.

Okay, the end. That is all about that dear classmate. May you be blessed with all happiness and may peace be upon you! May you get together with a good girl of your choice in the future, hehs! (:

I'll talk about the others in the next coming entries. Syahmeer will be next okay! (:

Aside that, i'm missing my one and only Love. The one who never failed to carve a smile on my face.

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is impossible that you should ever part.

Thank God, despite the time and again of saying goodbye and the intention of drifting apart, we are still united as one. He, the one who has made my heart skip a beat each time i think of all our good times together. It all started slowly and unintendedly. Eventually, it blossomed like youth blossomed into matuarity. Though we may have hurt each other for innumerable time, the love within is still as strong as ever. Perhaps, stronger than before, fortified by those stumbing blocks that happened to test the patience between us.

Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the announcement of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. We dont need others to know. We dont need to make it big. We dont need to tell the whole world who we are. As long as both parties know what is deep down in the heart, that matters the most. It is not being secretive, like how people would see. It is not being unexpressive or unloving like what some would think it is, it is all in the heart. For the world dosent need to know who we belong to, as long as we know where we stand and who we are with. Once and again, that matters the most.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away. Like a mother and her children, they had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from their branches they found that they were one tree and not two. Thus, even if there isnt anymore ''butterflies in the tummy'' or the ''thumping of the heart'' occurs between both couple, love is still there.

I'm in love, totally head over heels for him. Someone whom i have my heart and eyes on. For now, he shall be known as Eivb♥♥

As stated in my tweeter, he never showed up, gone missing without a call. Thus i thought, he was playing me. With confusion and in a state of sadness, i held upon negativities on him. As i was walking away from my block vicinity to meet Syahmeer, he, from behind, ran towards me with anxiety. Dear you, my apologies for not picking up your calls. My apologies too, for thinking all sorts of silly stuff about you. For an hour, he was there by my side, calming myself down, keeping me company with happiness in within. Thanks for the wonderful night, dear Eivb, though it lasted for just a while. Still it was the best moment with you. We'll meet again! (:

A man may have different flowers BUT he has ONLY one rose. I believe in that. And i believe in your love♥♥

Sweet Memories of gone Summers

2010-02-12T16:40:00.013+08:00

If I had one gift that I could give you, my friend, it would be the ability to see yourself as others see you, because only then would you know how extremely special you are.

By chance, we met. And by decision, we became friends. It was a moment of delight when i first saw you after friendship has acquired. In the ELP, that was. Vividly, it is still playing in my mind, like a movie without sound. Acknowledged with a smile and we bid each other with a warm goodbye. You were there as my listening ear, and so did i as yours. Everything became rigid when emotions start to bloom. Our friendship became strengthen, as though it was incapable to bending. Unfortunately, it was just for a momentary. That initial forte has turned feeble and faint, jeapardised by the emotions itself. Even our own favourite trademark, the super-wonder heroes is gone. A sweet memories of gone summers.

You thanked me for the drinks i bought. But do know that, they mean nothing compared to the things you did for me. That lovely MP4, which i have been wanting from years back then. And your sudden surprised to my house, with a box of Dove and a Ferrero heart shape box, which i have been craving for days. Not forgetting about all the efforts you put in for my birthday celebration. They were just incredibly sweet and touching. I couldnt thank you more, for a thank you is more than not enough.

My apologies for not being a good friend. My apologies for hurting you over again. My apologies for everything wrong. I just donwanna see you suffer any longer. All i wanna see is your happiness. Only then would i be in joy. For thats what a best friend would want to see in her other half. Friendship dosent determine the period they have been with, but more to how far have they swam down to each other's heart. Even if you're drowned in each other's, the purity and the sincerity of your friendship will, by all odds, save you from any catastrophe.

Dearest Bestfriend, we may not be together, with our hearts joining as one. But do bear in mind that, we'll always be good friends, with two bodies sharing one mind. Telepathy between us, remember? Do know that my prayers are always with you :)

Because of you, i got to know many good friends around. Thanks for introducing me to them. Be it girls or boys. (: And ouh, do know that i'm gonna miss your handphone truckloads. Teehee ^^

The bestest friends of all, shall we? :)

someone is being MIA, when im in need of him the most. bleaghhh~

& Bigbro Izwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! Please get into your NPCC uniform, and save me faaaaaaaast!! :'( For only you can i hold on to, LIKE ALWAYS. Sobs!

When you adore too much

2010-02-09T19:23:00.005+08:00

Everything happens for a reason. Everyone has their own roles to play. It's either they play them well or the otherwise. Apart from that, assistance too are muchly required. You can't expect one person to do everything all alone. That's when the term 'give and take' comes about. Without it, even a firm building with a compact concrete could collapse.

I take this as an experience. Though the time period is a mystery, I doubt it can go any further. That is IF this continues.

Holidays are coming soon. And I'm anticipating the coming! Yay! :)

Holidays = Work = Salary = Cash = Woohoo! (:

p/s: I wish everything is free in this world... apparantly NO!

Mind that!

Reassure Me U're all so true

2010-02-07T18:02:00.003+08:00

13th, i hope everything will run smoothly well (: For the missing presence ive been feeling is unbearable. Kudos to facebook for the reliance. Without it, i doubt, we could really depend on other sources. Bartleyans, i miss you. Especially those affairs i went through; Inside story, shall not elaborate (:

Without any bit of physical contacts and with few meet ups but with frequent greetings without the used of any visibility often marvel me. With such things, how on earth do both affection and emotional state involved? True Love, i believe. No, i'm not hinting anything on the past. Only something that struck me in the head.

Remember how we were back then in April 2009? We were complete strangers, just about to set up the foundation in our friendship. With umpteen struggles, we pushed through all hurdles and finally flourished both the colour Green and Red.

However still, i'm in reluctance for tomorrow's outing. Part of me is all excited to spend the time together. The other half is full of fear and uneasiness. Suddenly, i feel all so depressed. The tears that is now flowing, is something that i dont even know how and why it streams. Tell me someone, will tomorrow turn out a good day for me, for the both of us?

I fear what has destined for me. I fear of the future happenings. In which they summed up to me fearing of losing you. Faith dosent seem to allow us being together in my perception view. Perhaps, Green&Red is just for a temporary?

Though my heart is true,

Yet, i cant deny it's gonna end soon.

Perhaps, everything's due to this mindset,

Which never fails, to get out of my head.

Tell me dear you, what shall i do..

To stop everything from turning blue.

p/s: your voice to calm me down.

Sing me my lullaby

2010-01-23T14:35:00.003+08:00

You could be a sweet dream,

or a beautiful nightmare,

Either way I don't wanna wake up from you....

Dinner at Arab Street. Happy 19th to that darling Helmi. May all happiness be with him. It's gonna be our Second friendship year, this 2010. May the Love prolong till eternity! (:

Gosh! Three sweethears were Missing! Both Husna and Huda, together with Kak Ana!

I truly miss the bitching session in Singh's class! ((:

Love the way how he did it.
But more of it on the doer, himself! (:

Flash at one go

2010-01-18T20:19:00.001+08:00

8PM. In school Library. I am crying badly. Deleted some pictures from the Hp. Deleted some pictures from the Lappie. I now have none of those pictures. I feel much relieved. Very relieved.

You thanked me for the folder i made. Now, my apologies for deleting that particular folder. I was right. I shouldnt have put so much hope on this. Let bygones be bygones. I'm afraid of any truths later on. I hate this one-sided treatment. I'm tired of always being the one who did most of the thing, to make you feel all touched, to make you feel loved. You may said, you're always there each time when problems were on my side, but that isnt what i only need.

I wonder why my heart dosent seem to open up to the one who really loves me truly. Someone who would do all things for me, just to make me feel all touched. And again, i wonder why, why do i always get my heart attached to someone who dosent seem to understand my needs, someone who dosent seem to prioritise me, when he, by all means, seemingly wants to be the only soul in my life.

I pray everything shall end here. I'm sorry. I feel all so silly now!

On the verge of letting go, Alhamdulillah! (:

History Blue, Present Green

2010-01-17T13:23:00.004+08:00

Evil Uncertainties clouded the obstinate mind.
The feeling is worst than awful!

...........

Walking aimlessly has always been my favourite. It has been quite a while since i got the leg muscles to work out. Finally yesterday, i did some deeds to those legs. Nyehehs! Had a really great time walking here and there with my superhero buddy. Great that we lost our way. From Chinatown all the way to Clark Quay, with few same rounds we ventured. Hehs! That was awesomely loved! haha (: This really reminds me of those time i walked around Singapore with Azeez. Also with Abang Hilmi. Not forgetting with Khair♥ ♥ too. Cherished those moments to bits. Hehe! (:

Conversation between Khair and me not long ago, during our walking moments. Back then in Semester 1, straight after my school. (haha)

Khair:
I thought today's supposed to be our leisure day. Aren't you tired?
Ain:
No. I feel happy! Aren't you?
Khair:
I'm more than Happy. Lets have a proper date one day okay!
Ain:
I'd love to date someone by walking with him aimlessly! And witness Singapore lifestyle together!
Khair:
So.. u mean, we're dating now?
Ain:
Hahahahaha!!

Cute kan, my BFMM. Never fail to carve a smile on my face. Eh, movie next week eh? (P.s: That's NOT a date ok khair, because i hate typicality! Unless if you bring me to walk around Singapore with the companion of SWEATS! hehs!)

.............

I miss my bigbrotherLOVE! He's booking in today. Sobs. Conversation with him for awhile, the night before. Despite that, i'm still all in joy! (: Like i say the night before, i really do miss you. Sometimes, i would wish Bartley would once again be our place for just A day, for one last time, so that we could for once more, exchange our sincere smile to each other. Teehee! May this sibling ties of us lasts! (:

(Ouh gosh, i just realised something, it has been long since i used BLUE fonts ehh?) hahaha!

Sang Hijau telah kini bermahajarela di hati! ♥ ♥ ♥

Juliet, with you

2010-01-13T22:59:00.003+08:00

Gosh! Just tell me why u're so sweeeet?!

Thanks for everything Khair!
walau hanya untuk seketika!
And thanks for being such a wonderful Boyfriend even though it's just 'Main Main'.
*huhu*

Movie together, next week? Yayyy! :)

LOVE LOVE! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Plunge me deep in ur love

2010-01-11T15:50:00.001+08:00

Though I'm not yours, not lost in you,
Yet, i long to be..
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as the snowflake in the sea,
With you, i agree to be..
In your heart, i shall live,
Surviving as a light lost in light.
For without you, I'm lost.........

p/s: you, just you and no other.

the other identity

2010-01-10T20:25:00.004+08:00

Hello, Syahmeer's beside me! I shall now introduce you to him..
ok hi ppl .
His handphone has just been ventured by me. Serious, it's damn fun reading peo's inbox! hehe
basket.
Boring uhh Syahmeer. Type properly can?!!
aku nk tido sini . boleh ?
Haha. Boleh! Apa salah nya? haha. Kau permenant kat rumah aku okay! haha
ok set!
For that, sayang aku taaak? hahahaha
errr .
Hahaha. silence means yes! Aww, I'm super touched! You're saying that world wide! hahaah!
u attached kn ?haha
Sorry yaw! I'm single! And i'm loving it! haha. Takda orang nak aku pe! haha
oh jadi i ada chance uh ?
Hahaha... kecil tapak tangan, nyiru saya tadahkan! hahahaahha!
ok *mcm phm*
Haha. why? you wanna get yourself attached to me? Hahahahaah!
tau malu tk ?
tak taaau! tu pasal aku taruk macam gitu!! perigi cari timba nya zaman sekarang! hahaahha
aku tau kau suke aku . tapi kan aku terpaksa reject kau uh .
Sakiiiiit hatiii, sakit sekaliiii.. melihat kau berpimpin tangan dengaaan si diaaaaaa! (lagu achik spin!) haha
sape achik spin ?
Ada google.com buat apaaa??! haha
tngk ehemehem.
Ishk!!! Bertaubat lah kamu sebelum kamu ditaubatkan!!! hehehe
ok da penat .

The end! hahaha

ini la kwn kite syahmeer dan ain . sekian , terima kaseh !

Faith fails me NOT

2010-01-10T10:18:00.007+08:00

Semestral exam is just around the corner. Lucky i passed my 1009 module even though it was ONLY boderline. Hehs. I truly need that boy to teach me, can? I dont want to just open up my book and study. All i need is you and your voice, with your cute gestures, teaching and guiding me through. Not forgetting with your smiles to spur myself up. nyehehs! (:

Open house was great. Honestly, throughout my entire life, i have never been wanting to go for NYP's except for a school trip during my sec 3 years, which was compulsary. I never liked NYP before, without knowing a reason why. However, fate brought us together and now, my heart is all over with it. Teehee. A place where i met many good friends, never-ending happiness and mostly, the desire of my heart.

-Once i got myself smitten, forever it'll stay without a turn.

I'm still stuck with Programming project. Done with the basics. The rest are still left hanging. Hopefully, by today everything will be settled. Waiting for Syahmeer's presence. Cepat-cepat datang lah! haha. I need to buck up for the exams. 1010, gosh! 1008? Hmm, i knew i didnt really put my heart and soul to it for the CT. Okay, the mind is about to burst any time soon! Aku takut! Kawan-kawan, jom kita adakan seisi belajar bersama-sama! ((:

I still remember the difficulty i faced just to get you closer to me. You were hard to reach. So hard that each time when i tried to get hold of you, i'd breakdown and would be all over with fits of anger. Uncertainties would then never failed to blur my visions. I was all quivering with anguish and torment disturbance. You, at that point of time, never seemed to care. However still, the desire of my heart was too strong to let go. I kept on reaching. Beyond my limits, i tried to attain your eyes on me. Eventually, after all those tears shed and those silly arguments we had, my heart is finally at ease. No more uncertainties. No more doubts. For my trust has now, i allow it to be with you, keeping you company.

Mona appeared in my dream, confronted me with a photo album of her and him. I then became speechless with shock the moment it was shown before me. In reality, he was then attacked by questions regarding Mona. I believe, he was right away struck by a sudden shock. hehs! Thus, in the conversation, when hugs were dedicated to me, jestingly i asked him about Mona. Hehe. How sweet, he painted my name instead. Awww, i'm head over heels for you, babyboy! (:

- I want a picnic with you, with us under a beautiful wild blue yonder.
- I wanna lie next to you, with me on your chest, with stars above, witnessing us together.

- I want us being in each other's gaze, under the moonlight love.

:. I wanna be with you and no other!

2010 An awesome start so far

2010-01-03T10:44:00.007+08:00

Two hours more to the arrival of that PRINCE CHARMING to my house. Well Well, someone is still on his bed, dreaming of his PRINCESS away.. haha.. Ehhh Meeer, i wanna be the princess. Then visualise me as the most beautiful princess ever lived in this world. Alright? haha, lame!

I hope he's not gonna be late or i'd have to struggle myself patiently with the roars and croaks in the tummy. Aku lapar. And i wanna have lunch with him! Meer, terharu tak? haha (:

Aside that, yesterday night was a fruitful conversation between me and someone. (well, okay. i doubt there'll be a day where i could actually anounce his name cos it apparently seems that there'll never be a day. hm. Dee knows what i mean, hoho. So stop asking who, i seriously mean it) All the things he said, i took them seriously will full hindsight. However still, i sort of couldnt see the shine of happiness that i truly craved for in this special term between us, unfortunately. The heart seems far from calmness. We'll see how it goes. I donwanna put my fingers on it, predicting what will eventually happen between us later on. For i'm afraid i couldnt accept reality then. Thus, preparation for the worst is the current homework for the heart. Dear you, im sorry if this truly hurts you in a way. Understand me. Understand my needs and you'll realise how miserable ive always been, since before.

On a brighter note, i was greatly astonished by someone's surprised. Gosh, he's just so being uberly sweeet can? :)I was having my beauty sleeeeep. Suddenly the phone rang, instantly woke me up. Dung! With the croaky voice, i answered reluctantly. (Without actually knowing who's the freaking caller, hoho)

Ain:
Hello......

Him:
SELAMAT PAGI!! SEMOGA CERIA CERIA HARI INI!

Ain:
ha? Maaf, awak tersalah number ke?

Him:
Bangun tdo gi masuk MSN! Aku lah khair! kau lupakan aku, ain???

Ain:
Aku nak tdo!!!

Him:
Masuk MSN dulu laaaah!!!

-.-

So i took my lappy out and got myself online. Guess what? The first thing he did was to ambush me with water balloons. Yea, that irritating wink. haha. The amusing thing was the way how he constructed his reasons for doing that.

"Air nanti boleh buat kau fresh. Tak lah bila kau chat ngan aku, kau ternguap nguap. No good tau for a gfmm to layan half-heartedly dengan bfmm dia. Kalau dah kahwin, tak bau syurga nanti!"

I INSTANTLY BURST OUT LAUGHING the moment i read that sentence. Aiyo!

And ouh, your pm and dp really smother smiles all over my face lurhh haha! Sayaaa suka! And i hope girls wont find me for the name you stated at ur pm okay! haha ((:

So yea, basically 2010 has been rocking great and yes, thanks to my fellow bestfriends for everything! And khair, gi tukar ur PM la. haha :) but i like! Hehs! (:

School's starting tomorrow.

Our Special Term?

2010-01-02T20:33:00.006+08:00

Khair:
Don get too special... cos if you try to separate that 'special' word into two.. it'l give you... spe cial... SPACE SIAL. -----> too special that u will feel so much Space in between and believe me the feeling is so damn Sial! wakakaka!

Piglet punya khair!! Orang tanya pendapat dia.. Ni yang dia kasi. Apedah!

Well, hmm, apparently it seems true ey. Proof, i'm much more closer with my fellow Best friends.

p/s: Still, you very merepek uhh Khair. Nasib kau bukan matair aku btolbtol kalau tak, confirm aku pancung kepala aku sebab karenah giler kau! lol! *TwinkleWinks

One Last

2010-01-02T14:54:00.004+08:00

i'd be lying if i were to say you're gone from my mind.
neither will i tell the truth that you're still burning up inside me.
cos' something's just so amiss,
when it comes to you and i.
hush, boy. do not fuss over it.
just get this straight, to me, you're perfect.
and i would not want to be tied down with someone whom is less perfect than you.
you're still behind the shadows.
period.

Escape theme park has changed over the years.
Still i had fun. Especially getting myself WET.
Wet as in the whole body wet! gaah~

More photos with Adlin Darling.

Sing One last Song to me!

SEMUA Tetang Kita

2009-12-31T09:28:00.003+08:00

Aku akan mencuba berikan yang terbaik untuk kau miliki. Tapi maafkan lah aku waktu ku hanya sesaat. Aku tak bisa memiliki, menjaga cintamu walau sesungguhnya hatiku mencintaimu.. memilikimu........

Aku tak bisa memilikimu. A song from Dygta. Currently in the playing track. With confusion, i'm stuck with two sets of mind. Unsure of the next route to proceed. Tried taking one of them. Instead, tears came down rolling like a companion. Not saying there isnt any happiness but less of it. I craved for something solid, where there is firmness and having it to be built like three dimension. Sadly, it isnt. I donwanna live in fantasy, no more. I donwanna see myself just in dreams. For reality is what i'm living in. I'm not giving up though but i wanna take a rest, a break from everything.

Don't Go Stay with me

2009-12-30T11:41:00.009+08:00

Escape theme park with YOU later on, yaaaay!
Together with both Adlin and Mun, doublee yaaaay!

Chalet was a blast! Even though there were at times when we were on high rocky heels.
Update soooon! ((:

i cant wait i cant wait. i cant wait to meet my darling Adlin!
Teeehheee..

but im excited to meet you. (:

Nightmare yesterday was truly harsh. Hopefully, in reality it'd be the otherwise. i wanna be with you for as long as eternity. Especially deep down in the heart that is! (:

Haha, very funny, i wanna laugh.

2009-12-29T13:29:00.003+08:00

It dosent make ANY sense at all to you uhhh.

Thanks khair for the listening ears. love you :)

Me in your absence....

2009-12-28T11:24:00.006+08:00

Insomnia troubled me yesterday. My rest was disturbed by all sorts of thing that apparently seemed downright perplexed. Nonetheless, they were the one that kept me company through the night. Ironic as it may be, i'm once again thankful for having the opportunity to chance upon those bewilderment. Without them, prolly i would be in hesitation to predict how future might turn out to be or how would i lead this enchanting world in years to come.

2010. The final year of my adolescent. I should step up and stop being a juvenile like how ive embraced myself to become. Like any other girls, I used to often think and persue romance, happiness, beauty, fashions, pleasures, and whatsnot, those typical girls' stuffs. But hey, what are they if you're ignorant of your trueself. A Self-illiterate, in another term. How saddening can that be.

A soul-searching is crucial before searching for your other half.

I miss you, still.
And i'm yearning for you now.
Though i know its not the time to.

Do come by our 0909 class chalet, Love.

SMS-Conversation between me and those Sweethearts! (:
Kes nak minta simpati! nyahahah~

Ain:
Ady, Aku rindu _____ :'(

Ady:
Hahahahaa ! Abeyh ? Aku bkn _____ . Lol !

Lerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, sedih pe! haha

Ain:
Helmi, aku rindu ______ :'(

Helmi:
alamak.. knape nie?.. _____da tk rapat dengan kau lagi?

-.- apedaaaaaa haha

Ain:
Syahmeer, aku rindu ________ :'(

Syahmeer:
Haha! Basket tak rindu aku!

Hmph! ishk!!

Come back fastfast lah youuuu! :(

When memories as the happy pill

2009-12-27T11:47:00.003+08:00

Currently hitting the cafe world. Been into it since three days ago. Nyahaha. It is surprisingly fun even though Sis kaseh has been lecturing me about it. Why bother me playing? Lol.

Bedok library yesterday during the evening. Been aeons since i last stepped my foot at that place. All memories dashed through my mind. Those primary school days. The days where i'll spend 60% of my time with either sis&cousin or the lower primary school girlfriends. I miss them. I miss how we would bitch around about just anyone and everything. Aqilah, Zakiah, Ros & Subrina. Yeaa, those beautiful girls! Sooon, we needa catch up. Not forgetting the upper primary clans too; Maziah, Atikah, Farah, Yati, Afina. Hehs. Gosh speaking of this, it really reminds me of Mahathir, Haziq and Suradi. Hoho. It was really a story of decades ago. But memories are definitely sweet to relive them back again. Haha. Now, i'm feeling all so silly, teeheee~

Somehow, i remembered my conversation with Munir vividly, which happened on my 11th year.

Munir:
You like haziq right?
Ain:
No. i only admire.
Munir:
Admire and like, same lah.
Ain:
Like, is you like the person. Admire is about the character, not the person.

LOL!

Temasek is full of memories, with many malay communities here and there. Unlike Bartley, which is more of an international school, with few malays. Nonetheless, i still cherish that place as it was where i met good friends of the same and different races, as one! ((:

Sadly, the handphones i possesed during my primary school days were without camera. Thus, having me no pictures of Temasekians together. Sobs!

Anyway, i dont like the current version of flash! I prefer the old one! Used to really master it. Sadly after i quited informatics, my brain seems to shut off from those softwares. Argh. Worst, i threw all the books away. Be it Java, html, dreamweaver, fireworks etc. Sians~ Waste my parents thousands oni. I wonder why they hadnt teach me about cshark and c++ or i wouldnt be that miserable now, trying to cope myself with the projects. Okay. I miss informatics school! The very first school i stepped even before i step into kindergaten. According to ibu, i was with my ''botol susu'' during my first year there. I was onli 3 years old then? Hee.. Quited during my 11th year. Due to my laziness that was. Menyesal! 7-8 years in informatics were the bestest moment ever. Especially at Marine Parade. But now, it has been transfered to Tampines. Mission during the next holidays is to relive those studies once again. Library shall be the spot! Companion, anyone? (:

Hmm, pretty much seems that ive been blabbering about schools in this post. Well, truth is, i'm missing school. A week more to saying goodbye to holidays and i cant wait. But not the results that ill be getting. Cos i'm not all excited to see those bad grades. Didnt really do them well, one thing im very sure of. Thus, really need to buck up for the semestral exams.

Okay, i wanna play some games. 0909 Chalet tomorrow. Heard that not many will come down. Had a feeling that it wouldnt be that happening like the previous one. Well, we'll see how. I'll come back with more news next week. Costa Sands R04 the room is! (:

Takecare! (:

p/s: i wanna plan E1/E2 chalet during the March Holidays. $158 per room(single storey). GFs, jom join sekaki! (:

saya rindu kamu! hubungi saya setibanya kamu di singapura yaaa! (:

Pembukaan lembaran baru

2009-12-25T20:57:00.004+08:00

Aku dirundung seribu satu macam perasaan yang tidak menentu.
Otak ku serabut memikirkan tentang apa yang selama ini
menghantui jiwa ragaku. Kelemahan diri menewaskan segala apa yang berfungsi di dalam diriku. Tatkala fikiran merayau mencari ketenangan, di situ datangnya keinsafan.
Selama ini, ternyata aku dibuai keinginan yang pastinya tidak membuahkan hasil.
Bak seperti masuk telinga kiri, keluar telinga kanan.
Hidup bagaikan tiada erti. Namun, syukur aku masih disayangi. Doaku akhirnya diterima jua.
Titisan jernih membasahi pipi, jatuh bercucuran bersama segala titik hitam yang selama ini, aku lalui tanpa obor di hati.
Moga kini, aku diterangi oleh keikhlasan dan kejujuran di dalam diri. Amin.

Your voice Soothes my heart

2009-12-23T12:48:00.007+08:00

I shall be a goodgirl and stay home today.
A novel has yet been read. Thus, taking this opportunity to complete the whole book.
No doubt, a malay romance genre it is. Hoho. But hey, it has been years since i read those kind of books. The last was, Epilog Cinta, by Abang Hilmi for my 16th. So you see, how long have i touched malay novels? LOL!

*Bila panah arjuna menikam sukma, api asmara pun bernyala menyerlah sinar*

Okay, nice phrase from Epilog Cinta! And now, i shall search for more from Indahnya Cinta, the book that im soon gonna devote my time to =)

Yesterday wasnt a good start. Feeling all cranky and irritable, hours later after i woke up. Perhaps due to me, drawing back all histories from 2008 onwards. However, fortunately later on, after my mind was back reasonable and completely sane, i could think straight once again without any deviations. Subsequently after his call, that was! <3

Nevertheless, i miss those people during that year. I do wish for just a day to get back to where i was and have the last ultimate fun together. For you know, life will definitely gets challenging as years passes by, but with those hurdles, it makes life more meaningful and pleasurable to oneself. Thus, i believe no one here wanna lead a life, which is full of boredom without any obstacles in the way (:

Need to get out of here soon. The novel is caling me hey hey! I'll be back sooon. Very sooon! Hee.

p/s: Self-excuses are evil. For if there is a will, definitely there is a way!

To my sweetheart GFs! I saw you girls in my dream. We were running here and there on a green patch. I wish to see you people soon. I'm missing both of your presence, loves!

I am utterly touched by elfyee's post. So sweet of you, darling! Insya'Allah, with god's will, we'll meet up soon! I badly need to meet you girls. The missing presence seems to chew my heart up. Hehs. All hugs and kisses to both of you sugars! <3>

Our 16th. Remember? Our last 4e2007 year together. Memories will always remain, those up and downs. (:

We grew 17th. Friendship never end. Hearts never went apart. Still together no matter how far we were.

And now... we're 18th. Getting drifter due to our own matters. But the hearts forever intact! Like molecules, the bond between us will never detached.

2010 is coming sooon. Very sooon. A year more adding up to our friendship anniversary. Nineteeenth. Hehs! No more that kiddy kiddy girls, eyh? hahs! Going adults soon together? hohos!

HEART YOU GIRLS TO BITS OF PIECES!! <33

Dear you, when you're away, do miss me like how i always do. i ♥ u

Comeback of 2008, please!

2009-12-22T13:34:00.006+08:00

Second post of the day.

1) I'm feeling all bored here. Little sister is still sleeping. Internet is getting mundane by the day.
2) I'm getting all annoyed by someone's pesters. Felt like deleting him off the FB and MSN account.
3) I'm drained. The brain seems to no longer have any happy juice. The reason to why im feeling all cranky i believe.
4) Irritated by the phone. Keep on vibrating. Felt like shutting it off.
5) Bothered by the hellos from those annoying facebook people.
6) None of them all is what and from whom i wishes to be. Gaaaah!
7) Miffed by the cramps im feeling now. nyeh!
8) Tired looking at the available users from the MSN account.
9) Syahmeer's out from the list, leaving me all alone, chatting with people i dont wish to. Roarrr!
10) Someone's not answering his phone. Thanks ehh bfmm! hmph!
11) I suddenly miss my old days. Those wonderful days with my awesome people. But life has to go on, baby. Everybody has their own path to go. Sobs!
12) I'm feeling all shag knowing that im no longer my old self. I need a time machine! Take me back to my Seventeenth! I'm missing those splendid old days. The days which I AM MYSELF. The days which i really do potray myself.
13) I'm missing those people during those years who have made an impact in my life.
14) I wanna have fun outside like how i used to before..... Now, apparently i feel as though "macam katak bawah tempurung" Haishhhh!
15) But strangely, each time i was asked to go out, i'd think of all ideas to free myself. Feeling all silly now!

Taken during that precious 2008. See how vibrant my smiles were. i WAS that happy. 2010 is coming in 9 days time. Hopefully, its gonna be a better one. Somehow, im not anticipating January. Not even on the 27th.

If we meet under a different sky

2009-12-22T12:22:00.004+08:00

IM FEEEEELING ALL CRANKY NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!

~ i neeed pizzahut's ice lemon tea! gaaaah~

When ♥ isn't yours

2009-12-21T02:55:00.007+08:00

Part of the conversation that made me giggle till i lost my precious breathe. haha. Sakit kepala pecah perut orang dibuatnya! Aiyo, Khair! Well, no matter how annoying he may be at times, he is still the perfect sweetheart who never fail to sweep my tears away. Without him, i donnoe how i'd stand today. My pillar of strength and definitely my ecstacy boy friend. Letting go is a first step to a double happiness. That sentence has always been etched in my head ever since that day. An impactful advise from him. So khair, apply this to your current situation. I'm sure you're strong enough to go through all obstacles. Yea, no doubt, your mind is way stronger than your solid muscles! hehs, but seriously! So please, wisely make use of them, okay dearest (: Anything, anytime, anywhere, im always here for you, no matter how far i may be. Remember that, hun!

Beancurd at my void deck, after morning jogging some day, like how we used to before? (:

i miss you, bfmm <33

p/s: bfmm = boyfriend main main. hahahaha (merepek kan, sapa lagi kalau bukan kerja si die tu! hahaha)

Aside that, SEG camp was a blast! I'll update more about it once ive recieved those beautiful photos from Farhan! (:

Assure me once again of your feelings towards me. Evil insecurities are on its ever ready to bring me down.

i ♥ u, still!

In MY heart, You'll always stay

2009-12-18T06:08:00.002+08:00

I'm not all prepared for Digital Electronics. And to top it up, i'm not even prepared for later's camp either. Worst, i'm absolutely not prepared to be all apart from that babyboy of mine. Sobs! :(

Well, on the brighter note, im sure fun moments will be held during those 2 nights 3 days camp. With the plan made by Atikah, Farhan and me, which is to enjoy the nights together, with Ram and Brother meow tagging along. Weee. I'm sure it's gonna be a blast. I wannna lie down on the green patch with my eyes looking up to the dark sky, with the moon and stars shining their charming lights onto me. Wooohooo! (:

Yesterday's celebration was awesome. Happy 18th Brother Wenkai! M18 movie together? Wooo.. I likeeee. Lol! NS sooon? Sobs. Everyone's leaving me for NS. I'm hating it! Anyway, photos will soon be up in Facebook. Superfarhaaaan! Remember to tag us all yea! ((:

Aside that, 2 hours more till i hear his voice again. I'm excited. Free waking up call? Tell me who wouldnt be all excited, especially from your dear one? Nyahaha~ And 3 hours more till the eyes meeet. Yay!

Okay. DE paper will be held at 11am later. Can i just buy an MC and take it on a later date? Caaaan i? Hmmmm.. Sadly, i cant. Seeediiih! The bed is currently in a mess with DE papers here and there. However still, im just not in the mood for it. Hmm. Okay, 10 min time, i'll start the revision back again.

Superfarhan:
Apa buat ni.......... BELAAAAAAJAR!!

hahahahahahaha!! Okayyyy. I was high on sugaaaar yesterday that i cant seem to stop singing and dancing while on the way to 45. Pity those two kids. Especially Atikah. Taaak baik sungguh kita dua, kan farhaan? LOL!

I shall stop my yakkings fpr now. I'll be back soon with more stories on Monday since ill be all free by then. Speaking of which, Khaaaair, my apologies taaau. Jangaan merajuk yee. I'll make up for it. Promise Promise. During my long long long vacation, on a long long journey we'll both both go! (((((((:

Take care Semuanya! ((:

Random:
I WANNA GO MARINA BARRAGE AND HAVE A SIMPLE PICNIC ON A BRIGHT BRIGHT MAT WITH SMILES FLYING AROUND THE ATMOSPHERE. Hmmmmmmm...

okay, enough of those unfulfilled desires. hurhur~

.

.

.

With your voice, my smiles are true. With your presence, my eyes never lies. With your love, i feel e warmths. And with your faith and belief, i feel all complete. Cause you... you're the light. That light who never stop shining into my darkness. Dare i say here, i'm head over heels for you (:

Do know this... I'll be missing you day and night, every minute of the time. I shall hold fast to my faith and let each day passes by slowly but surely till the day ill see you again (:

abcdefaabcdefiabcdefn abcdefsabcdefaabcdefyabcdefaabcdefnabcdefg abcdefhabcdefaabcdefsabcefiabcdeff <33

Absence makes the heart grows fonder, baby! (:

& if i whisper those <3 to you

2009-12-12T11:30:00.004+08:00

That great disappointment triggered the tears to roll down the cheek. He was there next to me, witnessing those waterfall. Without arguing, he kept listening to what the shattered heart says. I rambled, throwing everything out. Instantly, a better feeling was felt. No more supressed emotions hidden. A sincere apology was then given and welcomely, i accepted it with open arms. Soon, i was fast asleep on his very comfy shoulder. Minutes later, when i was back conscious, how delighted and astonished i was the moment i saw something on my bag. It was that white rose, made of tissue paper. Pure white signifies purity and sinlessness (: Which i believe is equivalent to the earnest feelings we have for each other <3

He's the sweetest, no doubt. His kiddy and utterly annoying attitude, that sort of a devil boy kind of character instilled in him, really pulled me in. I just love the way how we communicate and how we react in each other's presence. Going with the flow attitude, potraying our trueself but with much respect towards each other even though sometimes, violence are impersonated. And mostly how he would pull me close to him and caress me with his unlimited love especially after some great misunderstandings. That'd really blow my mind away each time i relive those sweet moments between us. Moments of truth.... Moments with him..

Some days ago, girls' gossip session was held outside S.342. We were chatting away about our 2nd year crushes. Suddenly.......

Ain:
But i love *.....*

Jeya&Juvin:

I knew it!!

Ain:

Knew about?

Jeya&Juvin:

You're with him (Wth? when did i say me being with him? LOL!!)

Yuki:
I thought i heard you said you love him.

Ain:
Yaaa! and No, im not with him! but i love him. I just realised this is the first time i said this.

Yuki:

Yah, ur first time saying you love him.

Ain:

Errr.. I think... i love him....i think onli la.. i donnoe.

Yuki:
LOL!

I wonder how Love comes about. And what does it resembles? Perhaps through verbally or maybe by the term 'physicals'? What says you?

Well people, as for me, ever since my break up with Abang Hilmi, i never again truly believe in the word Love between two different genders. What's more between both who just knew each other not for long, and like fire, it sparks the word Love in the spur of a moment. Don't you think perhaps those people are a bit exaggerating or prolly, they're trying to buy the other with that word? Easy used-word but if it's really honestly true, which is really comes from the heart, you'll feel a tinge of hesitant to say it out, not because you are unsure, neither you are afraid that you might come to realise that you've been deluding yourself BUT.......

Dont you thing that the word "Love" has a magical force in it? Some sort of.... It is not just four letters which can be easily articulated to form a word. It is more than that. Facta Non Verba or in its english term, Deeds Not Words comes to play a big role here. I wonder why people these days seems to have the tendency to spoil that special word by mistreating it. It is really sad to chance upon that kind of people. Well, nothing you can really do about it (:

.
.
.

Okay, enough of those sentimentals. Hehs. Lets have a change of mode! Teehee =D

Common Tests are drawing nearer. Err, wait, its starting from this Monday onwards. Friday is the ending, followed by SEG camp till Sunday. 0909 Chalet will then take place on the 28th till 30th. Outing here and there in the middle of after camp and the starting of chalet. Gosh, this short holiday is gonna be a real hectic! Hoho. Come by soon. Sounds pretty interesting they are. Nyehh! =D Will update more about them. =)

Oh yah, January's coming soon. Before long, im turning 19. Goodness! Feel so old but people say, the older the better. Okay, pretty much lame! (:

These two days, burning the midnight oil is a must! Unless if i wanna book a coffin for myself! Siaaan! Ibu said she'll sponsor me the cash for my hair to be rebonded if i pass my tests.... if i pass my tests. Hmmmm..... But i'm still in reluctance if i wanna have it rebonded. i wanna see it growing long without anything done onto it. Well, we'll see how (:

Arnold afterwards with the family. Chicken. Buns. Fries. hahs. Tapau anyone? haha. Till i come again, I'll stop here! Takecare! (:

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ps: To my superhero buddy, im happy for you. From the start, i knew that you and her are meant to be. All the way to win her heart once again aite! (: All blessing's with you, my friend! :)

Reasons to my insecurities

2009-12-06T14:24:00.005+08:00

Live Audio Sentosa outing photos are all have yet to receive, scattered around with various sweethearts. Facebook shall do the job. Keep waiting. Keep keep waiting.. Lol! (:

The outing was definitely a blast! Except for the tide which was disappointingly low. Had to really swim a mile away in order to get the feet off the ''chewy sand'' Hahs! Seriously, it was dead set annoying being in a low tide level!

Excitedly dressed up to meet Adlin for Kick it Event. 969 with her before we proceed to school via train. Saw someone walking towards the school. Nudged Adlin to hesitate our walking for a minute or two. Fortunately that someone wasnt aware of our presence or else, i wouldnt know how i'd react after which. Rambled about him nonstop that i actually missed a step while walking up the staircase and i was even on the verge of tripping. However, i didnt. Thank god! Hehs! Gosh! Perhaps, i was just too nervous to let the eyes meet. haha.

Played ''hide and seek'' game whenever he was looking at our direction. Poor Adlin, she had to entertain my nonsense, haha! Run here and there untill we decided to stop and settle down, stayput at one place. Hahs.

"Heeee.Awakkk.Thankss..._____.Terharu kite bile awak dtg."

That message. That sms. That sentence. They just made my day. It was just so undeniably Perfect! A smile was then craved instantly with bliss and intense joy. Teeheee (:

Sat around attentively looking around then my eyes suddenly caught sight of this built young man, with a very charming smile plastered on his sweet face. He was there! Hahs. After greeting each other via facebook, we've yet to bump into each other again until yesterday and today. Again, like yesterday, our eyes engaged and we smiled. LOL! but this time round, i wonder why the heck did i wave at him? Goodness! LOL! Luckily he smiled at me or else, i wouldnt know where to hide my face at. Hahs! Enough of that. By the way, MSN added! Haha!

Disturbed bigbro Izwan. Little did i know that he was having some morning meeting. Hehe. Good thing that he still replied! Yayyy, Sayaaaang that big bro much much! Lol! *but i sayaaang my babyboy more okaaaay* haha.

Went to meet the LA people for a while. Later on, he came into the room. Lalala~ But little disappointing, we didnt really talk much. And the way he talked to Others was wayyyy detailed if compared when talking to me. Maybe there wasnt anything for us to talk about, i guess? Heck, at least his messages made me smile. So nothing beats that. hehs! (:

Rushed home soon after which, to get ready for Sentosa. Made a burger sandwich for Atikah since shes yet to have any breakfast. That was a last minute preparation by the way. Luckily it was edible. Hehs. Then ran my way through to the train(exactly 6 min from my place to the train! yayy!) and allighted at Harbourfront. From there, both Atikah and me set off to Siloso beach. Happy! (:

What happen during the outing? Stay tune for the pictures to be scattered around facebook. haha!

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if i didnt reply you, would you feel somthing is amiss? if i didnt talk to you, would you feel restless? and if im not here, would you miss me? Such qns keep haunting me. That im sure one day, ull get bored and start to drift away. The reasons to why i rather have us go on our separate ways, for i believe another will come by who could give you much more happiness without burdening you like how i always pile it up on you. sss.

Whisper softly to my ears

2009-11-29T23:46:00.009+08:00

Toyr'us has always been awesome. I can never love any other place like how ive loved it. When i was younger, i always crave to create a toyr'us at a corner of my room. Soon, i'm sure that dream will turn out not just a fantasy. Once again, Superfarhan surprised me when i was attentively looking at a particular thing. Previously was clothes over at cotton on and yesterday, i was in toyr'us when i was setting my eyes on some cute toys. haha!

Isnt she Cute? Awwwwwwwwww. Gosh! I instantly fall in love with her the moment i set my eyes on her. (Pink equivalent to Baby girl haha!) When i have gotten hold of her in weeks time OR BETTER STILL, IN 9 MONTHS TIME HAHAHA, i am so gonna wrap it around my arms and shower her with all of my kisses! ahhhhhhh! hahaha ((: I'll come back with $19.80! Lol! =)

Stepped our feet at Siloso Beach around afternoon, when the sun was uphigh. Yet the ground was still moisten with fine drops, which later on, due to light lightning strikes, red flag was posed. Camwhored for minutes while waiting for the disappearance of that particular flag.

And did i say i was all excited the moment i reached the destination? While walking towards the shore, my eyes were scrutinizing around for Bigbro Izwan. Finally after 10 months of being apart from the eyes, we finally met again. Haha. I truly miss that bigbro! If it hadnt because he was on duty at that point of time, i would have annoyed him like one lunatic monkey and made him strangle me. Haha! Bigbro, do know that i miss you loads loads okie!! Hehs! Terharuuuu taaaak? ;)

Double Kayaking was the plan for the day. However, we were given free try out for both Banana Ride and Flying Fish. All due thanks to Bigbro Izwan and his colleagues. They really Are a bunch of nice people! ((:

I never kayak-ed before until yesterday. Despite that it requires a whole lot of energy at the arms, it was awesomely great. Positively, i could shed the fats away which has been lingering around in my arms. hoho. The wow thing about kayaking is that, while making trips at the sea, you can also enjoy the picturesque view around you which definitely is the best way to enjoy the vibrant flora and fauna. Also, while kayaking, especially taking up the double kayak, it can give you the opportunity to have a great time bonding with your friends, like how i got to bond better with both Superfarhaaaan and Ita Baby (: Teeeeheee!

As for the Banana boat, i shall give a thumbs up for that! It started from a gentle scenic tour along the coastline then abruptly it changes to a white knuckle ride over the surf of the open sea, which will left you open mouth, gasping for oxygen in order to remain one piece. haha. Damn Syiok! Especially with bigbrother joining us, together on the boat! Nyahaha! =)) And ouh yaaar, Superfarhaaaan, thanks for the umpteen rescues. hahas. Without you, i supposed i would have fallen to the sea for like more than many. haha ((:

Now about the last ride, the flying fish. Both Ita and me should have sat rather than lying down. I believe the thrill would be mounted up if we lay our back at that boat and NOT our heads down. Lol! As the aerodynamics of the fish, that kind of machanic branch, gathers speed behind the boat, it'll allow you to "fly", racing your adrenaline rush. hahs! Good ride for those adrenaline junkies! Teeehee =D

While we were on the boat, "flying"...

Ain: I wannna meet *....................*!!!!
Ita: I wannna meet Hilmiiiii!!!
Dzariff: Aku nak sembahyaaaaangg!!
Mahathir: Aku nak pergi masjiddddddddddddd!!

HAHAHAAHAHAH! Rabaaaaks!

Okie after which, both the superheroes got drifted from the rest. Perhaps due to the difference speed between us and the rest. hahas. Thus, we went to take our bath first before contacting them once again. Bid farewell to Bigbro before making our way to the 7-11. Headed Harbourfront via bus and flag for cabs to Simpang Bedok for dinner.

Tragedies after tragedies took place when it was neared to midnight. From me accidently slipped my wallet away at the bus stop sit to buses and trains have stopped their services. Ended up most of us reached home near or beyond midnight. Especially Superfarhaaan. Thanks for everything, you! (:

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p/s: Your voice sounds just like a lullaby. Meet me tonight with your Airforce Uniform, Sweetheart <3

Sukarnya memiliki kasihmu apatah lagi hatimu.
Kau jauh meminggir ketika bisikan rindu ini begitu menggamit jiwa.
Namun kau tewas jua akhirnya dek kerana kuasa kasih sayangku yang tulus suci.
Lalu tunas kasih kita memekar menjadi jambangan bunga yang subur menghiasi laman asmara.
Maka kita pun berjanji setia. Biar apapun dugaan yang melanda untuk menguji hati dan perasaan,
akan kita hadapinya bersama-sama agar kebahagian hubungan suci ini berkekalan buat selamanya.
Namun...
sering aku dalam ketakutan.... sehingga bila akan ia berlarutan...?

Tomorrow... after 3 days.. XOXO! (:

imissyou.

Waiting for your call

2009-11-15T13:02:00.004+08:00

There it goes, each time i open this page to blog, all ideas will just vanish away from my mind. So tell me how? Haha. None is at home except for me and the little sister, who is just lying next to me, meddling with her darling handphone. I miss that sony erricson of mine! Too bad, it has dropped dead before me some months ago. Sedih yang tidak terhingga aku rasakan. Hoho (:

I miss Bahasa Melayu. But I'm afraid, if i were to rant in Malay, both the grammars and vocabulary will go haywire. For you know, it has been quite a while since i used them properly. Well, no harm trying! Hehs.

Tersentak aku dari lamunan di kala deringan telefon kedengaran. Ia bagaikan memecah seluruh kesepian di kamar merah ini. Lantas, dengan sepantas kilat, aku mencari-cari telefon bimbitku, dengan mengekori suara deringan yang seolah-olah memanggil-manggil. Ke kiri, ke kanan, aku melirikkan mataku. Namun, ia tidak juga kelihatan. Resah. Gelisah. Hati ini tentunya tidak tenteram. Di manakah letaknya telefon bimbitku? Bagaimana sekiranya ia langsung hilang dari pandangan? Walau sedemikian, kemusykilanku semakin menebal. Bunyi deringan itu! Dari manakah datangnya ia? Kegelisahan semakin menghantuiku. Lantas, meragut fikiran warasku.....................

A short one it is, haha. Writing used to be a form of therapy for me. But, as years passes by, work loads piling up, thus straying me away from it.

Hoho. Anyway, let me blog about yesterday. I was awaken by a very special alarm clock. Was dreaming away.... so peacefully. Suddenly...... The phone rang.... Guess who it was from? Haha.. yea, who else if it wasnt that MRalarm clock, Super farhaaaaan! Haha. Pity him, he was down with some sickness (Gosh, stay away from me okaaaay! hahaha), thus that explained why he was in the polyclinic, waiting for the doctor. While waiting, and out of pity, i decided to keep him company till his turn. Awwww, aint i sweeet, Superfarhan? LOL! haha okay, that is so redundant! haha! (:

That afternoon, met up with cousin Izan. We decided to explore West area, since East side has already been conquered by us for like a gazillion times? hahaah! Superfarhan was super cute! "Awaaaaak! Guess what? Im dating my bf.. Lols.. Where r u nw? ^_^" Hahahhahaha! Yea, they were somewhere around Lot 1, which i supposed they were eating their meals away in KFC, while waiting for our arrival. Hoho! Didnt tell him where my location was. Instead, i replied that we'll meet if we were destined to meet. And aww, they actually went to search for us. According to superfarhan's blog, he got his destination right, with the used of his woman's institution? hhahahaha!

I was looking very attentively at this one dress. Suddenly i sensed someone was coming towards me. With his head closely neared to the dress, his neck then instantly tilted towards me and greeted me with a word. But i dont remember what the word was. Hehs. Really, i was on the verge of jumping away from that place. Haha. Well, yea, true enough, he was Superfarhan! haha! That superhero buddy of mine! nyahaha! (: I was then introduced to his friend, Nashri. He seemed as though he was about to faint anytime soon. hahahaha! So cute! We then played Hide and seek and catching.

According to Cousin Ezzan, "Hari ni, izan rasa macam superstar... mcm kene stalked dengan paparazzi. Popular lah kita, Ain!" Hhaahahahahahahahahah!! Macaaaam-macaaaaaam lah that Cousin! Yeaaa, Both Superfarhan and Nashri were like Paparazzi at that point of time, following us to wherever we go. EXCEPT FOR, girls' shop, the undergarments place! Nyahahaha!! =DDD Both me and cousin Ezzan couldnt stop laughing because of that! Haha! (:

We then headed Macd to have our early dinner. After which, we bid each other goodbye, before both me and cousin proceeded IMM (:

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I'm excited for schoool tomorrow! (: Weekends were definitely a blast but the thing is, it soured me horribly, thinking that i couldnt get to see that baby face! hmmm. But as long as i know, that face is always there in my heart, im more than happy (:

I wasnt okay yesterday at night, during the wee. My heart wasnt at peace. My mind wasnt calm. Strangely after that call, everything was back to norm. Like consuming pills, i was high in ecstacy. Meet me tonight. Ill wait for you by the window. Afraid not of that monstrous Security. He cant do any harm on you. Sing me a lullaby and put me to sleep with your arms around me, with your lips adjoined with mine, i miss you. SSS, SSS (:

Hold my hand, and never let go. Hold me tight and whisper those True words to my ears.........

I rather have us, in the past!

2009-11-14T12:41:00.002+08:00

Ciaosu People!
(Hahahahahahah, Now i got the right term! Woohoo. Superfarhan's post really enlightened me, due to his lame Jokes and comments! Haha, apa sajeee je lah saje superhero kita semua ni... haha. Macam clown yang tidak bertauliah, LOL! Heh!)

And ouh yes, i'm chatting with him now! hahah! Lol! No wonder i cannot stop giggling, haha!! ((:
The one who never failed to say either "helllo awaaaaaak!" or "Wonder Aeynnn!!" each time i appear online. So cute! haha! (:

Heading Lot 1 with both cousin and lil sis later on. And i heard that someone will be there too. So yea, if we were to bump into each other, dont act as though we're those stuck up strangers who wouldnt even want to see each other in the eyes okay! Haha. Still remember those days during our Live Audio meetings... Those were the days. Haha! Sungguh Sombong Kita Dua ye! haha!
Am i right, Superfarhaaaan? =))

Had a talk with Abang hilmi some minutes ago. According to him, it's better for me to follow my heart rather than forseeing what future would take place. Well, i doubt that ive made the right choice. At the same time, i also doubt that ive made the wrong move. So wat say you? I'm currently waiting but no pop ups? The one that ive been wanting for, to be greeted by.. perhaps just a wish. Only a wish.

Bigbro Izwan, wheree are you? I need your opinions next! Hehs! (:

Like what 1009 lecturer said....."In lecture room, students talk like they have not met, for a very long time but after lecture, one will head north and the other will proceed south, acting as though they never knew each other before" Sadly True!

Perhaps, for now, i would make an adjustment by saying, "In school, students talk like they have not met, for a very long time but once they are out of school, both will pretend as though they are strangers to each other" Unfortunately True! Agree?

Probably, my heart is too weak to strive for my rights. Ahhh, better not give any hoots about all this. I wannnaaa meet my Girlfriends! I wannnnna meet them like crazy! I too, wanna meet my boy friends! Azeez and Dz, bila nk meet up ni?? (: We organise BBQ mahuuu? ((: Contact soon! =)

Tuesday onwards, i cant wait. Anticipating that day. Gonnna catch up with those boys! Yay yay! BBQ! Just like what Dz said a minute ago! Hahas! ((:

Out soon! Takecare and I'll update soon! (:

p/s: Gosh, i hope your interviewS (with S, mind that! haha) are earlier than mine! Nyahaha! (: Bump into you soon over at Lot 1, Teeehee!

Will there be a time, we'll smile and wave each other goodbye, pretending nothing happens, dear you?
I rather have us in the past................................ saying hello like a routine.

Yakinkan aku tuhan, dia bukan milikku

2009-11-11T07:28:00.005+08:00

Ciosu People!
(Seriously, i donno what ciosu really means. That word, i originated it from Superfarhan. Nyahaaha, but i guess, it should be something regarding hello, sort of a greeting or whatsnot. hehs)

School? This semester is horribly hectic. Once and for all, i shall denote that I PREFER MY PREVIOUS SEMESTER'S TIME TABLE, also the modules. I freaking dont like this semester's except for maths, digital electronics and innovation & creativity. Super duper interesting they are despite how tedious they can be at times (applies to maths, especially) (:

Havent had revisions. Gosh. Really need a day to pull up my socks and get all of my attention to study. I need a study partner! I miss Kartini! Hoho. Tini, lets go out for a study date this Sunday? To Vivocity coffeebean? (: Gonna arrange for it soon. I dont care! Need to go out and squeeze those brain juice! Or it might get rot anytime soon, omg! Nyahaha~

School starts at 2pm today. Supposed to be at 12pm but poor Ms Lam has to go for some checkups, thus it was delayed to 2 instead. I donnoe if it should be cheered or jeered. Hahs. As for me and Yuki, we'll be in ELP by 11am. Creativity and Innovation Project has to be done. Havent really decided on what idea to choose but by today, the report will be completed, by hook or by crook. Better get it done and over with. (: May god willing, hees.

I'm happy. Random phrase. But seriously, i'm happy. And i donnoe why either. I just feel happy. It has been a long time since i feel this way. I mean, it is sort of a comfort and ease. I'm happy. I cant really put my finger on what has actually made me feel that way. And i'm not even sure if ive finally found the diamond that suits my own imaginary stargaze. But all i know is that, i'm happy. Hmm...

True enough, when a glass has broken into pieces, even though how it was being put together, it wont be as perfect or as solid as how it used to.

I donnoe if i'm deluding myself. And to top it up, i dont even know what this lie is all about. What i truly knew is that, i'm starting to feel insecurities towards someone. Those sincerities i once knew has started to subside from me. Mind your words. Mind your doings because those are the things that will open up my eyes about your true reasons for being close with me. I donwanna be used. Cos if i'm feeling it ever so greatly, i will make myself vanish no matter how sweet your words may be to make me stay. I'm starting to let go.

SEG meeting will be held at LTN5 today. From 5-630pm, what shall i do? Hmm.. Superfarhan, i neeeed your help. Save me from that Vicious Boredom Villain Pleaseeee. Yes, our next villain is VBV(vicious boredom villain) LOL! (((:

Neeeed to go, take care people! (:

(Someone's in class, STUDYING, while im on my bed, heading to sleep sooon. hahahaha! Sorry my superhero buddy) Lol! ((:

Swing beyond the limits

2009-11-08T14:30:00.005+08:00

A twitch of anger sweep over me each time i log in to my facebook account. Hoping that you'd reply but sadly, all were from others. I keep a track since before. Not even once you replied me. Strangely, when it comes to me, i would be excited to give you all of my reply. Be it from which ever sources; facebook, emails, online, smses, calls etc. Why is it so hard on you to give me one when you could give your all to others. Perhaps i'm being too sensitive here. Well, which ever it is, i'm gonna keep it low. No point rambling about it. Soon, you'll be out of here. The keys that ive given you once will be returned back to me. Once again, it'll be saved in my posession, waiting for the true one to have it with them.

Anyway, while i was browsing through some of my earlier entries this month, i realised that my english is deteriorating. There werent any spice in my rantings. Goodness! I felt so ashamed while reading them. Well, probably, i dwelt in so much of my emotions here without really looking word by word into my grammars. hehs. Unlike those entries back then.

I'm feeling all shag these few days. I need a break from those heart achings. Last week was a disaster, no doubt. Hopefully this upcoming week would be a breeze. I need fresh air! Hoho! Have you ever felt you need something but simultaneously, you dont really know what actually the thing is. And then, due to that, you'd feel all ungratified about it. Maybe due to the red month, im feeling this way. Oh my! I neeeeed the beach! Anyone nice wanna bring me there? Preferabbly Changi beach okay. Cause i'm craving for the swings so much!! Like Tarzan and Jane, swing beyond the limits! Yayy (:

- Who are you in my heart? And who am i in your heart?

You're everything I thought you never were
And nothing like about you could've been
But still you lived inside of me
So tell me how is that

You're the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I loved and not forgive
And though you've break my heart
You're the only one

And though there are times when I hate you
Cause I can't erase the times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now I hate you its pains me to say
I know I'll be there at the end of the day

I don't wanna be without you babe
I don't want a broken heart
Don't wanna to take breath without you babe
I don't want to play that part
I know that I love you but let me just say
I don't wanna love you in no kinder way, no no
I don't want a broken heart
I don't want to play the broken-hearted girl
No broken-hearted girl
I'm no broken-hearted girl

There's something that I feel I need to say
But up 'til now I've always been afraid
That you would never come around
And still I wanna put this out
You say you got the most respect for me
But sometimes I feel your not deserving of me
And still you're in my heart
But you're the only one

And yes there are times when I hate you
But I don't complain
Cause I've been afraid that you would walk away
Oh but now I don't hate you I'm happy to say
That I will be there at the end of the day

Now I'm at a place I thought I'd never be, ooh
I'm living in a world that's all about you and me, mmm yeah
I ain't got to be afraid, my broken heart is free
To spread my wings and fly away, away with you,
Yeah yeah yeah, oh ohh...

When Cloud Overshadows Rainbow

2009-11-08T05:30:00.004+08:00

Oh my god, Superfarhaaaann! You're so sweet larh! Never thought that you'd wait. What's more for that long hour. My apologies, my superhero buddy! You know what, being with you can lead me to diabeties and even obesity, gosh!! Hahaha. So what should i do now, you tell me? Hahaha! Need to really cut down on my sugar intake, UNLESS if i donwanna continue having conversation with you, not even through telepathy! Hhahahaha! ((:

That sweet guy there.. He never, never failed to make me smile! Especially with his sweetness and his joviality. They're so addictive! (: Thanks for everything, Superfarhan. Thanks for being the shoulder (through telepathy, once again) for me to cry on. Hehs! =DD And i wish you All the best with that someone special of yours even though i've yet to know who that person is! Haha. Be a man and go all out but if anything goes wrong, dont shatter cause in life..... If you want something, and if it's a Yes, it is actually meant for you from the start. But if it's a No, then you deserve somthing better. And if you Wait, you'll get the Best! ((:

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I'm sure many have known abt the thing between me and him, the classmate. Read through those entries from April till now. 6 months have past. Every step we took, they were slow yet surely. But I'm not sure till when will it last. Each time i close my eyes, i'd relive back those sweet moments btween us, hoping for a life time this feeling would be. Somehow, strangely, something deep down inside just tells me that something's not right. Still, whatever it is, do know Love, i'm always here for you. My care and concern towards you will never change even if we're not meant to be. You know, the content of our story is too beautiful that im sure a novel could contain it just perfectly (:

Biar kita bersinar bersama, sering kita berjalan selamanya, sahabat berkekalan sekilas memberi sokongan.....

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Thought of sitting at home today, just like what i told Hasif the night before. But apparently, it was tossed away since both the little sister and that sweetheart cousin wanted so much to go out. Dinner at Far East before we took a stroll through the Orchad lane. They were my happy pills even though i was the one who cheered the surroundings with my usual lameness. Standard lah kaan. Ain kan merepek. LOL! (: Seriously, i think there aren't any gorgeous guys around. I wonder what is so special 'washing eyes' on Guys around at Town. Seriously, to me, they're just pretty normal. Average kind. Hmm.. Perhaps, just like what Kaseh concluded, "Mata kakak ni kan hanya untuk perempuan je agaknya" LOL! hehs! But seriously, compared boys to girls, there are things to look out in girls, rather than boys! LOL! okay, cut the crap. I'm being lame once again! (:

Sweetheart cousin, you promise to take me to a restaurant kaaan? Hahaha. It's been a long long time since i went out for a date you know. What's more a proper one! HAHAHA! Save your money and bring me there okay! My birthday coming soon! hahahaha! I'm sure cousin izan will go..."ahhh, talk to my hand!" Teehee!! I love her! Despite her 17 years of age, she seems to be way mature than i am. Hoho! =)

Kaseh:
Kak, gi cari matair laah!
Ain:
Asal eh?
Kaseh:
Jadi tak payaah nak hold onto kaseh je! Sakit taau tangaan!
Ain:
Ehh... Akak pegang kaseh pasal kakak sayang laah!
Kaseh:
Sekarang kakak sayang sapa?
Ain:
Asaaal?
Kaseh:
Jadi lain kali pegang diaa.
Ain:
Kenapa?
Kaseh:
Kerana kakak sayang.

LOL! apaaa je!! Me? boyfriend? Relationship? Hmmmm.. TTM pun pening kepala, nak in a relationship. Tak payaaaah lah!
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Anyway, i miss my two GFs! Both Dee and Elfyee. Gosh! I miss them so much! Also, somehow, im missing my 4E2 classmates! And if anyone of you who still have our Graduation Video, please send it to me okie! So much for both Jovin and Sebastian in my school. But sadly, couldnt get to meet them! Ehh people, lets go lunch together laaah!! I freaking wanna meet you all okie! =DD Shall ask Wenny along! And the others. Nyahaha! (:

And randomly, im sick and tired in the games of heart. Seriously. Now the feeling is like come and go. How? Perhaps you're just too blunt that it makes my heart shatters yet again. Hmm. I shall then, just go with the flow, not knowing where to head to, just follow. Hmmm... Cause i've yet to see True Love in the air. Not the right time i guess...........

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When i have given you my all..

2009-11-07T05:28:00.006+08:00

My heart was shattered and i let you off. You came back with hopes i would once again return. With the feelings that never seems to change, i accepted it once again, with a hope, we could mend everything back again as the best of friend one could ever have. You crave a smile on my face. You bring laughters into my world. The night proved your sincerity. I used to be afraid of losing you. Used to be afraid of having gaps between us. Used to be afraid of the distance that might be drawn between us. But now, i'm afraid that the feelings i have inside of me would change. I'm afraid i would lose the thing i hold inside of me for 6 months. I'm afraid i couldnt uphold the promises i made. And mostly, i'm afraid to hurt you in any ways. Perhaps, that day, it really did impact me so badly that it altered my heart. It was the horrible feeling i ever encountered before. And im afraid to go through it once again. Afraid by the term, "falling for..."

What if i were to fall for another? And what if you were to fall for another? Those questions kept haunting me. I dont wish anything to be just temporary, love. But somehow, i felt it that way so greatly. Words and actions? What are they if the heart has varies? Will you?

Get back to me when u have read this entry, classmate......

Rain comes before Rainbow

2009-11-03T13:26:00.008+08:00

Alhamdulillah, everything has now solved. No more perplexed looks plastered on my countenance. I shall now portray all of my genuine smile to everyone around. woohoo!

And to my dearest superhero, Superfarhan.... Thanks so much! Thanks for all the listening ears and yes, ill search high and low for your shoulder if i ever need one, heh! =DD

Awwww, so sweeet of you, Superfarhan! Like cheese being ovened, i'm melting yaaww! ^_^

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Jeya did great being the mediator. She was totally there to get to the bottom of story and try all out to solve the problem. I was terribly hurt initially. Like a vase crashed to the ground and bits of those sharp pieces plashed to my heart. Thank god, i managed to bring myself up once again and be back to who i really am. No longer having those emotions inside of me. Everything just faded in the count of minutes.

Suddenly, my mind opened up widely. Yet, i never regretted any of it, the time when i was immersed with happiness during those moments. Thinking of them, i would instantly smile for i know, even if its just for a short moment, i still had you in my arms and dedicate my true feelings to. The time when i was with you, ill never ever count them as experience, instead i see them as sweet moments to be cherished deep down my heart forever. I still care for you, my dear. And i still shed tears. I wish i could stand by you now and be there each time when you need me. But you know, i cant. I dont want us to depend on each other too much. It hurts me seeing you the way you are now. And im sick seeing myself the way im acting at this moment. I myself want our true self back like how you wanted, but you know, the thing is, its gonna be different. Still, do know, im always here for you as a good friend, also as a sister. See me as one. And you'll find the peace inside of you. (:

Like what Jeya said, my light is out. Now, it's your turn to extinguish it, and be all neutral. (:

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Taken on Saturday, 31st October 2009.

p/s: I LOVE MY BOYS THE SAME... MY EC0909 BOYS, THOSE SWEETHEART. SADLY, HELMI WASNT WITH US. ISHK TU BUDAAAK, NEXT TIME OUTING, KAU MESTI JOIN IN SKALI, TK KISAH LAU ADA CCA KE APA! HAHAHA ((:

Legal in the name of Law

2009-10-31T23:33:00.001+08:00

First and formost, HAPPY LEGAL AGE TO OUR ONE AND ONLY SUPERFARHAN! Without him (me included!!), this universe is going to be on the verge of dismay! Thus people, lets put our hands up together and merrily clap a song for him!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SUPERFARHAN!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.............

hahahaha! May all your dreams come true. And i pray may a year from now, your job (and definitely mine too) will breathe a new fresh of relief. For you know, we might be using bikes to fight those villains. And hey, count me in as your pillon! Teehee! You, as the rider, shall be in charge of the motion, while i, with my magic powers to thwart the passage of those bad guys! LOL!

Happy birthday, once again, new friend! ((:

And also, not forgetting, A HAPPY 21TH TO BOTH BIGBRO IZWAN AND MR SAIDIL. May you people lead a joyous life ahead. Especially this time round, with the companion of your love one by the side. May happiness be with you. All the best for your future endevours yea! =DD

Many things happened today. Shall talk about it soon IF only those wonderful photos are received. Syahmeer Darling, please send it to me as soon as possible okie. Love you much much. HAHAHAHAAHAH!!

He sounds utterly funny and adorable when he says... "Aku tau, kalau aku takda, kau mesti takleh hidup kan?" HAHAHAHAHAHA!

He's like my happy pills in school. Just by looking at his face, my jaw would instanly feel the twitch to move uncontrollably. Yes, that boisterous laughters. Hahahas!

Okay, that's for today.

p.s: Hasif Dear, thanks for the concern. Also thanks for lending me your inbox, for me to bombard all those long messages at. Once again, thanks Dear Friend. You know i need you, more than you know it. (:

Selamat malam, Mimpi indah Selalu

2009-10-28T20:36:00.003+08:00

It's gonna be a NEW BOOK, with NEW FONTS and NEW STORYLINE.

This Unbreakable feeling

2009-10-25T15:46:00.006+08:00

Superfarhan is on medical leave. Thus, leaving only me, the Wonderain to save the world alone by herself and defeat those Villains. The next stop will be at somewhere Tampines. Through Telepathy, I'll update you about the event later on, yea Superfarhan. Wonderain will take full charge of it, woohoo. So, dont ya worry. haha, LOL! ((:

Was downright bored while i was in the bus yesterday. Thus, took my phone out and messaged people about my boredom. Hahs. Pethetic as it may sound, the replies from those people have somehow cheered me up. Teehee. They were being very very irresistably cute! ((:

Message sent:
Lalalalaalalalala!! Bored bored bored!!!!!

Gary:
Siao!
; Waaah, siaan, you call me siao! LOL!

Shaun:
-.- msg Hasif lah.
; Crazy fellow! Of all many names... why must hasif? lol!

Helmi:
Kau okay? hahahaha
; Haha. helmi.. he never failed to make me giggle each time i think of him! haha. imagining him smiling while posting me tht qn.. "kau okay? hahaha" LOL!! Hahaahah!

Ady:
Haha ! Ape je . Bored gy blajar sana . Nyehah !
; haha ady! okay okay. gi blajar. jom blajar! teehee! =DD

Khairullah:
Huh! Nak kluar? Ain, g gelang? Jln2?
; i like him laah!! very cute! asking me out to Geylang? out of many places. hhaaha. =DD

Xing You:
Lol! I thought is my friend msg me asking me to go out le then when i open is ur msg sayaing lalala bored bored bored =.=!! haha
; hahaha Xing You! you make me giggle to myself in the bus you know!! haha.. It even giggled my Sister. haha cute la you!! =D

Izan:
Hee. Tak kluar?
; bukan nk ajak ain kluar. tanya je not enough!! hehe =D

Kaseh:
Come home QUICK!!
; can you be sweet and fetch me instead? ishk! hahs =D

Shaq:
hahahaha! Aku tengah tdo pon nak kacau ker? hahahaha.
; nyahahaha! i like this one the best! there were following msges from him that giggled me. haha.. merepek la Shaq! haha

Kai:
Lol! Y?
; Lol lah kaai! nyahaha!

Ben:
Eh, you siao ar??
; Waaah, the bengs so cute. call me siao! hahs =D

Haahahahahahahaha!! Arent they cute? Nyahaha! Lol! okay, now, i have another problem. Should i head down Tampines or meet Haqim at the void deck? Hmm.. One thing for sure, i dont feel that energetic upon knowing that Tampines will be ventured. At the same time, i dont wish to disappoint the parents. Gosh. I wanna study with Haqim but then, i'm too tired to have myself up. We'll see how. But, when i say NO, means No. So, I'm not gonna go Tampines. I dont feel like going so no matter what, i'm NOT going. Hmm...

Anyhoots, I've watched that Devil Beside You drama Series. Last episode made me cry my tears out. Ah meng decided to leave Qi Yue and went abroad with his biological Mum. He wanted to give his mum another chance to care for him and he, to receive the love he has never gotten from a mum before. Qi Yue was disappointed but for his happiness, she supressed the sadness and supported him instead untill a night when she couldnt take it. She was crying her lungs out and told him about the promises he made. In which that whatever obstacles that might come in between, he will forever be with her to protect and care for her. He then told her something, something that shattered her deeply. Well, even i was shattered by his words. "Dont wait for me."

Despite that, i'm in love with the ending (:

p.s: I want a Devil Boy for a soulmate! Hehs. Can i? :)

Anyway...................... I dreamt something weird the night before. LOL!

I dreamt that i delivered a baby. Haha! A very adorable chubbbbbby fair baby! Nyahaahaah! And guess what, that baby was a boy! Yayy! ((: The process of delivering him was surprisingly easy. I didnt feel any pain. ((:

Kaseh:
Kak, orang kata mimpi dengan reality opposite. Tak sakit dalam mimpi tandanya sakit nya dasyat nanti dalam reality.

Thanks eh little Sister! Roaaaaar~

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I was tryna let go. I was tryna disappear. I was tryna fly away. Yet it failed me over again. It was harder than i imagined. Like a current gripping you without any mercy. Like humans tryna run away from death. It baffled me with much surprised each time i think of this. That touch, just blew me away in my own skeptical world. That peck, like a touch of warmths sweep over me each time i relive those moments. For you know, i never intended to encounter such feelings. Why oh why. Why do i see you each time i close my eyes. Why oh why. Why do i feel you even if i were to be with others. And why oh why.. Why do i have to go though this when im not even ready to feel bits of it. I cant really put my finger on what kind of feeling im having now. Cause i never understood what it is from the very start. And i wish to never knew it till whenever. I wanna remain this way or perhaps, letting it decelerates. Wouldnt it be much happier that way?

It is for the better. time heals. smiles as the medication. despite how bitter it can be. Even if i need to fake it.

; I can no longer have anymore expectations of those arms that held me, and those gentle hands

Abang hilmi then came, like a bigbrother, rescuing his own little sister from commiting suicide. He raised her up and supported her. She then came to a realization that Goodbyes are not the only way out to solve problems. She then changed her mindset 360 degrees around.

Come what may, I will plaster these heartbreaks i'm feeling and will go through whatever that seem to come in between. For the sake of this genuine feeling i carry inside of me. And even if i failed, i'd still win as this feeling is truly sincere from the bottom of my heart. If i couldnt have it by touch, i'd still have it by sight. Loving from a distance and watching him from afar. For wherever this legs may carry me to, there'll be only one moon inside of me, inside of my heart, that none other can replace. Something i never regretted (:

LIPS DONT LIE

2009-10-17T18:55:00.001+08:00

I need that Romeo of mine here right now, at this instance! Oh lord, please dont let me do any harm on her. hahas. Cause i wont know what i'll do to her if i see her at the road side one day. Hahs. Supposed to have picnic over at Sentosa today with the sweethearts but unfortunately, someone there was too clever to have herself back at midnight the night before and ended up having to forgo today's outing. hahas. Irresistably cute lah that GF of mine! Nyahaha. Note to Hilmi Mimi, next time, we better have this outing proceeded and you shall be responsible for this outing to go as planned! Keep a good track on My Romeo who is also Your Juliet. HAHAHA! i miss them! Seriously! Also missing both Elfyee and Saidil. Those two couples are so adorably cute! Hehe.

I'm in school now. Yes, at this hour. Hohoho! Meeting up with Elfyee later on. Both her Student pass and Ezilink card are with me. Nyahaha! Im taking control over them. Yeehaa! So Elfyee, since they are now in my possession, i shall let it be that way till the end of time. So yeap yeap, am both a TP and an NYP student who owns both access cards in my hand. Nyhahaha! OKAY, itu semua tak perlu! Hahas (:

Khai knows me well enough. That guy never failed to brighten up my day with both his craziness and cuteness. Should be meeting him later to town. But somehow, i dont feel like going. With this laptop in my arms, gosh, that is so not gonna happen, carrying it to town. Geeky! Well, i shall consider. Hmm. And, i wanna blog about Khai's adorable cat. Went to his place for a short while, while waiting for him to finish his Dzuhur. Sat on the coach and chatted randomly with his mum.

And then...... Guess what?

His ADORABLE CAT came to me and was all very MANJA, with his head and body rubbed against my legs, looking at me with those loves and.. and.. and... using its paws, touching me, with so much LOVE, hoho.. Gosh! Deep down, i was scared, to be honest. But looking at how it moves and rubs itself against my skin, i feel so... so smiley all of a sudden and just let it be at where it is, doing whatever it wants to on me. HAHA, that sounds so wrong. =DD Ouh God, i JUST so love that cat. Khai, can i have that very loving cat of urs please? We shall take turns attending to him. And then, we'll see who is the best care taker. Nyahaha! Okay, simply tak perlu! (:

I'm still not sure if i wanna head down to town. Hmmmm! Mungkin tak. Okay, ive made up my mind to just stay at home later and be a goooood housekeeper, since the house will be conquered by me ALONE, wooohooooo!! This is the time when i need that LOVEY DOVEY cat the most.. HOHOHO.. woopsie! Heehe =DD

I think i'm in Love. In love with both Mike He and Kingone! Hahas! Who on earth are those people? Well, there is always yahoo or google to check them out. Nyaahaa! Devil beside you is the next series for now! ((:

And hey you, i'm missing you right now. Look at the sky tonight. Count those stars. For they resembles the missing presence i feel towards you. Uncountable, lips dont lie! I miss you (:

THE TIME HAS COME

2009-10-16T14:20:00.005+08:00

WHY WHY LOVE

2 of the scenes in WHY WHY LOVE. Sweet! This drama, not only taught me about Love between two souls, also the love between friendship and family. The patience and the will of going through any hardship with the power of faith in within ourselves. I like Jia Di's Spirit. Also a phrase from her, "I dont discard things but I'll retrieve them", simply means that if she have something in her possession, she will keep it save with her and not let it slip away. She'll use all her might to have it back and be with it till the end of time. The power of love within her. Such a compassionate character she has there. Truly admire it all. (:

My day is gonna be dull without this drama. hohoho. Good thing that school is reopening soon. And i vow never to repeat the mistakes i did during semester one, which is to let the heart fall. Gonna keep it save with me. Nyaahaa! (:

Wave those fingers willingly

2009-10-16T08:09:00.003+08:00

Last night was boring. Perhaps because my ''Why Why love'' has ended. Thus, leaving me nothing to meddle around with. Luckily, there were some people who were there to shun my boredom away. haha. And ouh, got back in touched with this old chat mate of mine. Used to ignore him. But somehow, we became close after some random chattings.

Been a long while since i last chat long hours with someone stranger. But today was different. Prolly, our conversation reminds me of someone. Someone whom i suddenly feel so near yet so far. I donno what's going on between us. But it seems like there is. Well, i hope this good terms of us will last. I just cherish this friendship so much. Well, back to where i was. That chat friend is very cute. i mean.. his way of conversation is different compared to any other guys except for........ that friend of mine. No wonder, i couldnt stop myself from continue chatting with him. Their way of conversation was almost the same. So similar that at some point of time, i thought i was chatting with him. Gosh, it seems that im missing you... as a friend, that is! So yeah, thanks to that chat mate, i actually laughed so much while we were on our conversation. hehs. Miraculously, i finally got to know that both of them do know each other. Hahs! What a small world.

ps: Hey classmate, yesterday's meeting realised me of something. You're mean. You're annoying. You're devilicious, always create problems here and there. Forever acting immature even though you're more than that. Sometimes, i wonder if you know what and how a Gentleman should be like. You know, you're someone who dosent really know how to cherish and appreciate people at that instant. And someone who would only mend his ways back when something happened. But as long as it dosent affect you in any way, you will remain at where you are. That is you. I hate your ways. But... but deep down, i care for you. Sometimes, i just wish that i had not known u and could neutralise this deep concern for you. I wish so. Fortunately, i can feel that everything is slowly and STEADILY retarding. Well, a very good sign for the next semester. For i hate having deep feelings for someone like you! I'm sure you're too.

Somehow, im starting to dread school.

Last entry with green fonts all over.

I crave for your presence

2009-10-14T11:16:00.009+08:00

School's starting soon. Too slow yet too fast. Haha. The moment i'm starting to enjoy this precious time, there it is, NYP's calling. Hahs. Heading out with the lil sister in hours time. Perhaps to town since she wanna get herself some stuffs. Or probably, getting some for me too. haha (: I just love her loads. Hehs. By, if i have the cash, everything will be on me aite! But now, your sister here is soon to go bankrupt lah! Haha (: Kidding, dinner and supper will be on me then. The rest will be under you. Fair enough! ((:

Something random struck my mind. And i was blown away by it, leading me to a deep thinking. Somehow, it does taught me one to two things.

Have you ever felt that what you own before was the only thing you will need throughout your entire life? And without it, it will be like you losing part of your true self forever?

Well, i once felt that way. That thing was too precious that i thought it was the only perfect one for me and nothing could ever replace it. It was torturous to let go. It was painful having to forget. After which, I dont wish to find any replacement for it cause to me, it was the only perfect one and no other would be as perfect as it. That was how precious it was to me despite the umpteen times i kept denying it each time i was asked.

I thought after that lost, i'd be on my own, searching back my identity with my own two feet. But then, miraculously there it came some thing which is like a ray of light to my darkness. Like a lightning, it strike without a sign. The happiness i feel is beyond what i'd imagine. It may not be as perfect as how i want it to be but it's enough to crave a blissful smile on my face. Each time when sadness fills, it'll be there as a sun to shine my life with its light. Thus, in my eyes, imperfectionly perfect it is. One in a million. Now, with it, my life seems much happier. Definitely, there'll be tears here and there. But with its presence, unconditionally without fears, i'll risk my heart for this.

Basically what i'm trying to say is.........

If you want something so badly, and if it's a Yes, it is actually meant for you from the very start.
But, if it's a No, you deserve something better. Something that would take your breath away. Something that would let your fantasies run wild and get near to reality. Thus, it'd be good if you were to wait, for thus, i'm sure you'll get something for yourself, the best! ((:

-Aku rela dipenjarakan di dalam sangkar hatimu.
Maafkan segala tingkah-lakuku. Terima kasih di atas segalanya, ~~cinta~~ sahabat.

Straight to my heart

2009-10-08T21:04:00.006+08:00

There she is, quietly in her slumber, on my lap. Adorable. A peck on her cheek is never enough for me. Looking at her, i feel so at ease. As though all my troubles fade away. You know what sis, each day, ill wait for every night to be by your side, to have you in my arms and sing you a lullaby to sleep. Yes, i love her so much. So much that words cant describe. Not even pictures. I may not be the best sister you can ever dream of. I may not be the good friend you can ever ask for. But i promise to be the bestest love who will catch you when you fall and lend you a shoulder to cry on. You know, you'll always be my baby girl no matter how old you are (: In my eyes, you are forever the star that shines, that glitters, who would give me a thousand reason to smile. I love you, babygirl! (:

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Well anyway, there'll be an event tomorrow in school. Gonna help out till late night. Supposedly should be going out swimming with the cousin. Unfortunately, i had to pospone it to another day. Yea, another unfortunate thing happened! Grr!

Ain:
By.... akak takdapat g swimming bsk ada school event. sedih!
Kaseh:
Next time ada. Tapi kan, mana tau ada hikmah disebaliknya.
Ain:
Apa nya? jangan macam macam eh by!
Kaseh:
Dapat jumpa seseorang. Love story happens. Macam cerita High school musical?
Ain:
Ah ye! Nk love story dengan sapa pula?
Kaseh:
Love campus lah kakak. Terjumpa pelajar kat sana. Love between two strangers. Lagipon, kakak ni kan dramatic! hehe!

Siow~

High School Musical? Love Campurs? Love between two strangers? And me Dramatic? Ridiculous! Hahs! Funny lah that girl!

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So anyway, i was chatting with Hairul awhile ago. Kaseh was being very very cute. Way cuter than before. And that was when after seeing my conversation with Hairul. Haha!

Ain:
Yang kaseh gigit tangan akak apa hal.
Kaseh:
*Kept on biting while i kept on avoiding.
Ain:
Lain kali, kalau kaseh chat dgn matair kakak or sapa2.. akak gigit kaseh pula okay!
Kaseh:
Tak dapat ahhh!! adik berbual sikit ngn matair kakak ke sapa-sapa. kakak mengamuk, buang muka! hahaha! nak kaseh buat gitu kat kakak jugak? Hmph! Chat lagi Senyum Senyum! Hmphh!

And Hairul, Aku kakak, Kau adik okay? Even though kau one year older. Alaaaa, one year aje! HAHAS! ((:

LOL! okaay. I'm going off now to watch One piece. And to that Special Someone, who said ive shrugged it off?

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Akan ku hapuskan segala rindu ini. Getting the neutral atmosphere back again.

The lights are becoming dimmer

2009-10-08T18:06:00.006+08:00

I never knew someone could have this kind of an effect on me. I never knew i could feel this once again. I never knew my heart could shatter yet again. All along, i thought a stone ive came to be. Well, truth is, no. I never wanted to cry after that day, after the initial one. I never wanted to be weak emotionally like how i used to. I never wanted to feel any emotions. I thought ive succeeded. I thought all of those have vanished away from my life. True, i never wanted to experience any heartbreaks. Thus, letting me to shun all feelings i tend to have for someone. For the tendency of me crushing on guys is high, i admit. BUT to love them deep down from the heart is something not easy. And hence, if i feel love, that love will i only see within my heart, no matter who i'm with or where i am. The reason why im afraid to fall in love yet again. Afraid that it'd only eat me up alive from behind. I rather be on my own than sharing my life with someone where i know there'll be challenges ahead of us. I used to be a risk taker in the games of heart. But now, not anymore.

However, something struck me in the head. Was pretty shocked by it. Surprisingly, i found myself shedding tears because of something pretty small. Weirdly, my mind would run wild thinking of many uncertainties and thus, ghosting me like a vampire haunting for human blood. It was tormenting having to feel that way. It was torturous having to feel the missing presence. Surprisingly, that was what i felt for the past days. Crying to sleep, thinking of all negativities and keep on worrying about something really torturing my soul, even distrupting all of my mood. But at once, when there was clashes of the voice, everything came back to normal. As though, it eases the soul despite the excruciating dispute. Weird but true. What does that mean? I couldnt understand it. I care? Well, i care for everyone. Missing presence? Well, i'm missing alot of people. But it never came to the extend that i would shed my precious tears or would erupt like a volcano. What feeling was that actually? And why on earth do i have to feel that way?

Maybe i know. Maybe im just ignoring the truth. Maybe i'm in reluctance to admit. Even if i am, i have to let it go. I cannot take it with me. I cannot let the feeling succumb me. It'll be too hard to handle. Neutralising it may not be a wise idea since it cannot be forced to let go that instant. But i guess, all i could do is to maintain it that way, hoping to see just a friendship in the near future. Learning as a good friend is what i have to start doing, just like those days. For the sake of this friendship, that is.

Those tissues are still there in the heart box. And forever the fragrance of ur sincerity will always be near straight to my heart.

True that it takes time to have this feeling. Also, it takes time to realise. It is something that is obliviously obvious. ill be missing you, now later and forever. Know that!

Letting you breathe your own air

2009-10-07T11:46:00.006+08:00

Sometimes i wonder if my feelings were acknowledged.
Sometimes i wonder if you even care.
Sometimes i wonder if you even bother.

Only once in a blue i moon, i'd express the missing presence i have for u, the care i feel for u, hoping that u'd cherish those seldom messages. Unfortunately, you dont. You ignored them without even replying. I doneed every day conversation. I doneed every moment messages. All i need is just an acknowledgement. Just a simple ONE is enough. But you dont seem to understand. You said, dosent mean you didnt reply means you know nothing. It's human nature for me to feel that dissappointment. What if you were me, in my shoes. How would you react. Tell me. Its like the feeling you felt when i ignored your umpteen calls. Im hating you. I dont wanna feel the same way i do now. And i hate the fact that i miss you. Dont bother saying hello. Im not gonna return any of those. I hate you. Period!

Those past emails were my companion through each night. They craved a blissful smile on my face, despite the tears shed.

I'm taking back my love

2009-10-06T15:13:00.000+08:00

When two souls are mad, their hearts are far apart from each other, but in the end, xoxo bring both hearts back together again. ♥

It's Black and White, Baby!

2009-10-05T19:52:00.005+08:00

Its getting dark.
The sun's setting soon.
The stars are not showing.
The lights are becoming dimmer.
I'm not gonna care.
I'm not gonna say words.
Enough of yesterday.
Till the end of time.
I'll bury myself from the eyes.
Not even from any other senses.
Cos im not gonna bother.
Be it in whatever reasons.
Im sticking firmly to what the heart says.
So long it shall be.

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3 solid rounds around the bedok stadium at 650am was superb! Been a long while since i ran my lungs out. Perspiration and the beatings of the heart was what i needed. Syahmeer reached at 7.22am. Had another one to two rounds with him. After which, we had our chatting moments till around 10am before we proceeded for our breakfast. Playground was then ventured. Awesome swing just made my day. Thanks Syahmeer for everything today. You know, i love you many many lah my friend! Hahaha! =DD

Swinging? It reminds me of a post i ranted a few months ago. I shall put it down here. Yes, now, im letting go of a feeling. That feeling.

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The pool of sand. The black swing. Those two things were the cure to every of my emotional diseases and still are. The moment i located myself at that black swing, it suddenly swayed a little, freely. As I kicked the sand right below me, the swing began to sway faster and faster. Higher than the mountain, deeper than the ocean.

As I swayed myself up high, to and fro, I recalled back those awful moments i encountered in my life, ever since the start of my teens. They were bittersweet. Sometimes, I wish i was out of it. Yet, I'm glad that it did happen to me, leaving memories as experiences. A whole load of new things i learnt, not only about myself but also regarding inside-out of this unpredictable life.

Sometimes in life, there are limits to everything. As humans, we can never get the chance to go beyond them. There will be a time in life, we'll wish for things that seem to never come true. When that kind of situation takes place, heartbreaks will definitely develop. In which, it will lead us to disaster. No doubt, there are cases about people slitting their wrists, jumping down the building, commiting suicide. Well, it's because they are too heart broken to mend their heart back. In another words, they are too weak to let go. Too vulnerable, too fragile. Unfortunately.

Just like when you're swinging. There will be a limit to how far and how high you can swing. Once you've reached your maximum, there'll be a kind of nauseous feeling you'll encounter. You'll then be swept over with fright that will eventually stir you to stop the swing immediately. In another words, you give up. Holding on to your fear, yet to let it go.

I swang and I swang forward, ignoring the feelings that seemed to engulf me. Higher i went, bringing myself to exceed my limits. With that, I embraced myself to the wind, to the breeze, capturing all the peace and tranquilty from the atmosphere. As I took in each and every of them, as I swang myself ahead, I shed all the loads off my shoulder. One by one, they fell off to the sand, feeling myself lighter. Finally, at my last lap, I breathed the air so hard, with my eyes clamped so tight, calling back those teary moments. And then, I let go, exhaling out all the unnecessary stuffs in my life.

Thanks to Allah, all of my problems, sorrows, tensions have been displaced with calmness, peace and tranquils. The wind, the breeze then blew towards me, signing a sign of relief and happiness. Perhaps, more to congratulating me. Alhamdulillah, finally, I'm at ease (:

Gone.

Please. Erase the word care.

Undecidable Decision

2009-10-04T13:07:00.004+08:00

I have like tonnes of pictures to upload them here. Apparently, due to my plain laziness, each time i felt like putting them up, the intention will just disappear and i will meddle myself with other things instead. Insya-Allah if god willing, i shall upload all photos in my very photo album. A place which ive left it stranded for quite a period. Somehow or rather, i felt like having it in my possession once again.

In the meanwhile, check out Kaseh's blog to know the things that have been happening currently. She's with me for now. So where ever she is, i'll always be there. Most of the time, that is! Im considering to shut this blog down. Well, i dont feel the need of it like how i used to. I donwanna let it rot that way. But we'll see how. Yet to confirm. No, i never intend to move to another url. Blogger shall always stay in the heart. Even though there are many others like onsugar etc. Once a blogger fan, always one. (:

19th October, the start of the next semester. Im anticipating the day. Excited to see it coming. I need school. I'm missing the companions. Most of all, i miss 0909's lamest jokes. Hhas!

Aside that, i miss my fellow 4e2007. Especially GFs. Seems that, this holiday, there isnt any time for us to spend the utmost moments with each other. Not even Hari Raya outing. I wish that i could see the 08's Raya outing once more. I miss that year. Really. I wish i could be 17 once again. 2008 was awesome. Seriously it was. Being 18 dosent feel that great if compared to being 17. Hahs!

And ouh, guess what, SOMEONE, A STRANGER, thought that i am FOURTEEN. Baaaah~

Kaseh:
Kak, kekek pe umur kakak kene 14.
Ain:
Tu la. Muka kakak mcm budak budak ke?
Kaseh:
hehe. Okay pe. Advantage.
Ain:
Ape yang advantage. Cuba terang sikit.
Kaseh:
Kaseh banyak junior sec 2 sec 3, nak kaseh kenal-kenalkan dorang dengan kakak? hehe
Ain:
*Roll eyes*

Tak perlu ye kaseh. Macam-macam lah ni budaaak. Ada je perkara yang dia nak sakat kakak dia sendiri tau. Hish.

Speaking of which, dont talk to me about boys. Or u'll see me rolling my eyes at you. Hahas.

Forever Friendship

2009-10-03T11:33:00.005+08:00

I miss the clan. Yes, they're coming over soon. Sadly, i dont think ill be joining them. Due to some reasons which ive just told abang hilmi. Worst, I then got a good scolding from him. "STOP MAKING LAST MINUTE CHANGES!" wahlou eh. hahas. Well other than that, later at 5pm, ill be heading out with the family to a ''perjumpaan hari raya''. So yeap, afraid that i might not be able to reach there on time, i made a point to forgo the raya outing. Actually, i can still join in and go off before 5pm. However, the mood in me presently dosent seem good. According to Abang, "Ni raya outing bukannya modelling interview" Hahaa! That guy ehh, tengah marah pon sempat buat lawak. whahaa. Okie! So yup. This thing has really affect me in a terrible way. So SYAHMEER, this monday pagi mesti ON okay? Sayaaaang kau! Hahas! ((:

And the clan still has yet to reach my house. They're late! Hahas. What ever it is, i miss them. Very. Seriously yes yes yes! I miss them! Koraaaang, jom buat bbq satu hari laaa! Most of all, i miss the time when we all used to hang around together. Be it anywhere, just for slacking moments. Those years, my precious years. Now, it seems that every one has their own things to meddle with. So do i. But i hope this dosent affect our friendship in anyway. ((:

AIN RINDU KORANG SEMUA WALAUPUN KORANG COMING TO MY HOUSE IN MINUTES TIME! hahahaah!

Terhaaaaru taaaak? ((:

Humility in the eyes of judges.

2009-09-29T22:44:00.002+08:00

"Jangan termakan puji, nanti tergadai body"

First heard, i couldnt stop myself from laughing, but once i listened to ayah's explanation and after i think through it once again, well yea, true enough, people especially girls these days, they couldnt stop themselves from being all over the rainbow when they are being praised, even about little things. And then, sadly, they eventually unnoticably sell themselves off to their prey. Seriously, deep down, i really, truly pity them. Some may say, 'NO, NOT INTO THAT EXTEND'' but unknowingly you will. Yes, i agree that human do like being praised all the time, perhaps to show how superior they are, but do know that, everything has its limits. Barriers sometimes, well actually, it always help and prevent us from all misleads. Thus, Jangan termakan puji, nanti tergadai body (:

I have friends around who would brag about the things in/about them. It may not be directly but still they are being one. And then, when others bring it up, they would smile widely and boast exageratedly. Oh my. Sometimes i wonder, what's there being all full of yourself that eventually it makes you to leak out your own negative character, which is ''proud''. Or in another words, not being humble. That ultimately dropped your dignity in peoples' eyes, seriously. - My honest opinion. Well, if i were a guy, and if i were to date that kind of girl, mark my words, i'll get all irritated and annoyed by her majestic character. Please, mind this, you need not have to show how great you are, for if you are really truly great, people can see it. But once you brag, all about youselves will just go down the drain.

Also, by having that kind of attitude, mark my words, the person will definitely fall once their defects were being laughed at. They may even feel all agitated if those words are meant only for some jokes. Thats how terrible the effect can have on them. The result for having all so full of themselves. For truly, in every beauty, there is ugliness in them. And in every ugliness, there is beauty in them. Imperfection. And due to that imperfection, it makes you perfect, in your own very way that is. The facts of life (:

p/s: Never cease the humble trait in you, for that shows who you really are. Teehee.

With you, My sorrows Begin to Smile

2009-09-27T00:20:00.008+08:00

What has came over my heart?
Have i lost it?

Try refusing a million time,
Yet i seem to loose my mind.

Darling, tell me what is this?

You didnt care to turn around.
But i was still waiting

By the time i wanted to stop,
You were far away

What happen? i dont even know?
Why is my heart... feeling this way?

Oh time, Stop.. i plead you to go backwards..

I've left myself behind.
At the crossroads of life.

Where am i? Where are you?
What is this? Magic?

What has came over my heart?

My heart was with me always.
Now, have i lost it?

Yes I've lost it

Like a storm you came, and swept me over like a wave.

Tell what is this. Tell me someone. I needa know!

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I am still excitedly waiting for the photos that were taken over at Syahmeer's house. Yes, truly seriously wanna get hold of them. To have them in my possession. To look at them by the minute. Especially some photos which i'm sure i'd hold them dearly close to my heart. *Wide Smiles* Been a long while since i last met up with the classmates. Finally, even though not all came down, we still had our fun time together chatting around. Safe to say, deep down, i feel so attached to them. (:
And ouh yes, i miss my mummy nang! Teehee :D Now, im impatiently waiting for the school to reopen. Thank God, i'm still remain in the 0909 group. To the others who are not, do know, whatever happens, we are all still united as one. (:

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Love? What does it mean to me? Well to me, it is just a word. Like relationship, it is just a status. The vital thing is actually how you dedicate yourself to it. Which involves alot of factors. Namely, sacrificing, respecting and most of all, responsibility. If you do cherish someone so much, no matter how and what obstacles you have to go through, you'll just go all out to break those stumbling blocks. &, rather you become exhausted and afraid of the challenges ahead, you'll actually become stronger in order to overcome those with one goal in mind, which is to strive for that very love of yours. - dosent have to be regarding love life. It could also be about other matters too. For instance, education, family matters etc.

Most of all, enjoying what you do or who you are with is the very crucial part in order to succeed in something. Without passion, everything will just crumble down. So now you know, how important passion is. The reason why i tend to have my eyes on passionate guys. Hehs~

To me, even though Love is just a mere word, it is something that is extremely hard to express. "I Love You" That may seem easy to say it out. Three words. To strangers, you can use that as much as you want, especially if you have the intention to 'buy' them. And most victims would fall for it. For that mere expressible phrase. How contradicting, dont you think so? A simple phrase that is really easy to express would have a really indulging effect to people around, that could make them fall hard due to those simple phrase. That is how relationship comes about, despite just knowing each other for a few days, perhaps?

Love is something you cant really say it overnight. It takes time and patience. You need to know one another. Love dosent come by that easily. Love is nothing without care. Thus, to me, you need to have the feeling of a great concern to another to eventually realise that you do love them. In that process, you'd certainly feel alot of confusion before you are really certain with yourself that you are in love. Also, there is no such thing as it is easy to fall in love. For nothing is easy in this world. You need to face difficulties at times, dont you? Same as this, even in the process of affirming your true feelings to yourself is also not an easy task, you know!

Sometimes, confusion would do you good. As that will determine how true and sincere you are to commit or to be with someone. For im sure, you donwana end up with someone you only have a crush on and knowing in the end that you're actually have given your heart to someone else, without you yourself knowing it, due to that confusion of yours.

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Us, sailing in the same ship.
Not knowing where to proceed.
Right, sugar it may be but fear overcomes it all.
Left, sour it'd out to be for that isnt what we want deep down.
So tell me baby where should we head to.
Cause i dont even know myself.
Still stucked in this little crossroad.
Not knowing where to go, or where to navigate.......

Mungkinkah seharusnya kita menantikan badai itu datang menerpa? Dan sesungguhnya ketahuilah wahai teman, tidak pernah terlintas niatku untuk biarkan ia berlalu. Kerna hatiku masih tertakhluk pada yang satu, wahai kamu.
SSS.

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Selamat Pagi Semuanya.

*Hatiku... terukir nama mu... andai kau tahu.. ku sayang padaaamu

When Green Meets Red..

2009-09-21T23:43:00.005+08:00

Finally, i successfully got myself up to skip those beat. Been eons since i sweat myself to those beatings. hahs. It was during my thirteen that i came to practice this. The secrets to the discharge of those fatty acids from my body. hahs! I was fourteen when i was satisfied with my weight; my body shape. Unfortunately, ever since then, i no longer practiced myself into those tecno beatings. Eventually, fats start to accumulate once again. And now, i felt a ginormous lump of fats inside of me. Gahh. Worst, which is now shown evidently from my physical. Roar!

5 songs, with 5 minutes commercial break after 2 songs. Perspiration tickled down, leading it to perhaps, a swamp (hehs). Well, that really brings me a whole lot of joy today! At least i managed to shed some grams! =D

Photo below was taken when i was in Sec 2, fourteen years old. Now, apparently it seems that im double of that size! Roar!

Ouh btw, i just realised something, I used to enjoy editting of pictures. Now, the interest seems to have faded. Not only that, i also used to love sophisticated clothes, those business-wears (pants, blouses, HEELS) but now, somehow, i seem to prefer casuals. Those relax kind of wears. Hahs! So you see.. how changed i have became from 14 to now, 18. Big change! Gosh!

Yela apa tak nya, dulu, despite being only 14, nak step mana nya kakak kakak kan.. LOL!

Kaseh:
Kak, ramai orang tanya, sister kaseh kakak ke adik kaseh tau.

LOL! the funny thing is.. when i was younger, people tend to judge that i look mature but now, people tend to say i look younger. So ironic. Still remember how i used to smile when people said i look 18 when i was only 14. Hahs. And now, the joy is double when people say i look younger than my real age. Hee! =D

First Day Of Raya:

Visited Nenek's house early in the morn before headed back home, waiting for peoples' arrival.
Home sweet home, baby! ((: Despite that, everyone was still as busy as the bee.. Hmm..

The Family.
The usual four. Fantastic four like what ayah said. Ahhh ye la, ye kan je, ibu then replied.
LOL! (:

MY DARLING BABY SISTER WHO LOOKS OLDER THAN ME! LOL! (:

Arif Tating:
Feeling sey dia! ahahhaa.
Syahmeer:

haha kasi la dier feeling . rambut baru tuh !

Hahaha.. ye laaa, part part gini, korang pandai bully aku ehh. haha =b

Second Day Of Raya:

When Green meets Red..... It mingles as ONE!
Perfect! (:
*Deep meaning, baby!*

Thanks to that mini van for everything today. Without him, today wont be that amazing (:
More pictures in Kak Midah's Phone. Especially ibu's pictures, hahs!
And oooooooh, both Lil Sis and Me are considered the 3rd generation.
The Forth will come by soooooon! After the both of us, also the others, have legally married, that is! Hahs.
By the age of 25 perhaps? ((:

I neeeeeda go off.
Sleeeping time! (:
A bar of kitkat within the five fingers. Anyone? Lol!

Selamat pagi semua!! ((:

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Last year's Aidilfitri. Taken with my Beloved Grandad.
And my hair was freaaaaking different.
I miss my LONG HAIR okaaaay!

Next year's hairstyle? Anyone? HmmMmm..

EID MUBARAK, FORGIVE AND FORGET

2009-09-19T23:43:00.007+08:00

It's Syawal, people!

Thus, whether i wish you Selamat Hari Raya or Eid Mubarak, it just means one thing; We are celebrating an achievement of staying away from a need of food for almost a month! Wow! (: Hence, when we are celebrating today's occasion, be sure to remember those people who feel hunger for almost everyday due to poverty. Forget not to pray for their well being. Also, thank God for the food and the house, also most importantly, the people, mainly those family and friends who never fail to make your everyday worth living for.

Therefore, I would at this point of time, ask for forgiveness from you people out there who i may have hurt knowingly or unknowingly. Please forgive my wrong doings and be pleased to know that YOU ARE one important factor of my thanks and gratitude to God.

With that, i shall wish you all readers a SELAMAT HARI RAYA, MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN! ((((:

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I teared down while typing out an aidilfitri message to abang Hilmi today. Only now then i have realised the wrong doings i did to him. Abang, thanks for everything. Fate may not be on our side but forever you are an abang to me. Deep down, i see a sibling in you which im sure, that would strengthen our concern towards each other. We may be far apart but do know that as a sister, im always here, just a call away. All happiness to you and Ita. Do know that you both are always in my prayers, also in my thoughts! ((:

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Bf:
Genap 10 hari kita bersama. Da sebulan lebih kita kenal each other. Maaf seandainya ada silap kata, terkasar bahasa. Kalau ada kelakuan sy yang tak menyenangkan hati u, tlg beritahu sy. Hugs and kisses for you my dear. I nak kata i love u dgn seikhlasnya. Sayangku, SELAMAT HARI RAYA!

Sweet ain't he. That message really touches me deep down. Selamat hari raya to u too (: You noe, im always here. May all happiness be with you, bf! (:

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Ouh... A conversation between me and Syahmeer. Haha.. Cute! That person never NEVER fail to brighten up my day with his NEVER ending lame blabbers! Hahah..

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Speaking of Hari Raya..............................
I'm so overly excited for tomorrow! The classmates gonna come over to my house! Been a long while since i saw them. Yes, A9, i miss you people so much! Very very much! And hell yea, there are loads of thing that we all need to update each other of our recent happenings! Hahs! Okay, pictures pictures tomorrow, woo! ((:

And..... Did i say, I've changed my hairstyle again? This time round, its damn short! Dont ask me why short hair seems to get my utmost attention this year despite that ive made a vow to GROW LONG HAIR! Uhmmmm.. Well, the thing is, i like it so much. That is more important, aint it? Somehow or rather, i find long hair is such a bore. Hmmm.. But in times to come, you'll hear me say this.. "I want my long hair back" That is IF i look back into those days with me in my long hair. haha. Hair extention, perhaps? But.. wouldnt that make me a phony? Hoho! Ok, cut the crap. I shall now post some pictures of me, with my new haircut =D

AND YES... i applied NO cosmetics. Purely ME and JOHNSON BABY POWDER!
heeee!! ((:

Wait.. Speaking of which, me without Johnson baby powder... IS LIKE A BABY WITHOUT DIAPERS!
Reaaaaally! No joke! I just cant live HAPPILY and NORMALLY and SANELY without that powder! ((:

Thats how critical powder is to me! Hmmm (:

Okay, its 5.11 am. Ibu's in the kitchen while sister's watching movie.
And, i've gotten back my master bed room. Gerekk per?
But, the thing is, i have EFFORTLY organised and beautify the other room!
In the end, the parents took it back and gave me my own room which ive not done any single thing to it.
Gerekk per? LOL! okay. I dont care, im so gonna chop the room tomorrow!

And believe me, im so gonna stick with my dad when the relatives are in the house. Tell me what to do! Cause i dont know what the heck should i be doing in the house, with them all around. I cant possibly hide myself in the room. And i cant possibly hide myself in the kitchen, acting like as though i'm doing the washings. What's more talking to them in the living room. NO! Tell me what to say cause i dont freaking know what on earth should i be talking about HAHS. So the next best thing is to stick with my dad and follow wherever he go! Hehs =DD

Ayah:
Ayah kasi kau kebebasan tengok dunia.
Yang kau nak kongkong diri kau dengat terikat buat apa?
Biar kawan beribu, jangan terikat dengan yang satu. Nanti jadi kayu! (LOL!)

Ada benarnya kata kata ayah. Hmmmm. Sayaaang ayah banyak banyak! ((:

Ouh did i say, there is a drama held in the house, acted by both ibu and ayah. Hahs!
Okay, shant elaborate about that. That really made both me and lil sis laughed our lungs out despite seeing ibu in tears, in ayah's arms. Awwwww~ Lol!

Belum pagi raya, dah menangis macam gitu. hahas :)

Okay, nak sleeep. Eh no! Wanna help ibu out with the cookings. Hahas :)

Takecare people! Selamat hari raya Aidilfitri. Maaf Zahir Batin! Me love you people much much! Hee Lol! (:

WITH THIS HAIRCUT, I SERIOUSLY LOOOK WAAAAAY YOUNGER THAN MY AGE. HMm..
TOMORROW THE FAMILY'S GONA WEAR BAJU PUNJABI INSTEAD OF BAJU MELAYU, COS IBU SAYS SO! hMm..
LATER NEED TO HELP IBU WITH THE MAKING OF NASI MINYAK SO SAY GOODBYE TO SLEEP? hMm..
ITS HARI RAYA LAH BABEH!! HEEEE =DD

Assalamua'laikum to all! (:

gue rindu sama kamu bangat sihh. Kamu lagi rindu sama aku?

You raise me up

2009-09-19T13:29:00.002+08:00

I smiled, knowing that you're here, close to my heart (:

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Aidilfitri's in a day's time. Wait, actually, in hours time. Hehs =)
Will update more about it later (:

Bittersweet moment it was!

2009-09-17T23:32:00.005+08:00

170909. Another unexpected occasion took place. It was unpredicted. Never has it crossed my mind before. Never, not once. Started from a light hit. Slowly, it led to that passionate greeting. After which, silence passed off. Speechless. No doubt, i was in the state of shock. Still am i supposed.

Geylang with Lilsister was cancelled. I then bought a bar of time-out and a strawberry milk before i took a sit at the void deck, alone. As i took a bite of that choc and a sip of that milk, my mind went on, replaying and reliving the event that has happened just a while ago.

Bittersweet it was. Bitter as in.... I shouldnt have went on with it. I should have restrained myself. Suddenly all advises and lectured i once have heard and given, came dashing into my mind like an arrow being shot directly into my head. In a blink of an eye, ''What have i done?" struck me hard. Real hard.

Whereas sweet.. The last was years ago. I never truly know what was that all about. It was mere seconds. I didnt went on with it. It was just a light one. Unlike this. It was.... indescribable. It was... pure. It was... genuine. It was something that i dedicate from deep down the heart. The passion was there. It was... sweet. It was true. It was, it was everything it was. No lies, no fake, no artificial i instilled in it. It was all truth. Only truth it was.

Afraid. Scared. Haunted. I'm now being all preoccupied by some negativities.

WOULD THAT JEOPARDIZE OUR FRIENDSHIP??
for im feeling all threatened now!

MAWAR TISU ITU, SELALU MEKAR DI HATI

2009-09-16T03:58:00.004+08:00

I'm taking my leave now, sugar. I donwanna be the murderer. Especially to you, my dear. Its gonna be the end of everything, of us. Forget about those stories that have happened. Take it as a beautiful dream where it will vanish the moment you wake up. Someone told me this, sometimes, when you love someone so deeply, you have to let him go. And now, im heeding the advice, hoping that we'll soon be like how we used to be. All neutral between us, without any feelings that might hurt the both of us in the end. Its gonna be hard for me, no doubt. But with all of my might, i will. I'm taking my leave now dearest. May everything be perfectly fine on your side. Remember the tripple S. I may be far but believe me, in your heart, im always near. Always. Search for me no more. Im leaving, love.

Diyana:
*insert name* tak kuat utk mempertahankn sayang dier utk kau..
sume reason yg dier bagi tu utk cover up yg dier takot nk blang kau..
kalau dier btol2 sayangkan kau, dier akan blang kau kan?
whereas *insert name* berani kejarkn kau and prove to you his love..
tapi *insert name* cuma bagi clue tp dier taknak confess..

Ada benar nya kata kata kau, dee. Thanks.

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Walaupun pintu mimpi ku telah kau ketuk bertuli-tuli, namun ia akhirnya dimasuki oleh si dia, yang aku percaya, kasih nya, lebih agung bagaikan tiada tandingannya. Mungkin ada hikmah di sebaliknya, kekasih. Pintaku yang terakhir, cari lah penggantiku dan berbahagia lah di kau di sampingnya yang aku percaya, kehadirannya akan tiba tidak lama lagi untuk menemani kau di sepanjang masa.

Sesungguhnya, kasihmu tidak akan pernah luput di ingatan. Sayangku padamu akan senantiasa bersemadi di dalam jiwa. Akan ku hapuskan air mataku yang kini bercucuran keluar bersampingan dengan segala kenangan pahit manis yang pernah kita lalui bersama. Agar, tiada lagi perasaan yang terpendam di dalam. Aku sayang, aku rindu, ucapan ku yang terakhir untuk mu. Selamat tinggal kekasih.

What if my leave takes place?

2009-09-15T07:18:00.004+08:00

Pastikan - Siti Nurhaliza

Lihatlah Langit Di Atas Sana
Tersenyum Melihat Tingkah Kita
Selalu Ada Peristiwa
Yang Membawa Pertengkaran

Maksudku Hanya Ingin Yang Baik
Untuk Kita Berdua Dalam Bercinta
Baiknya Aku Buruknya Aku
Terimalah Aku Apa Adanya

(Chorus)
Pastikan Kau Dengan Aku
Jangan Ada Cinta Lain
Tak Pernah Aku Terlintas
Niat Ku Untuk Berpaling

Maafkanlah Aku Sayang
Bila Belum Kau Bahagia
Sejauh Langit Di Atas
Kan Ku Kejar Bahagiamu

Biar Langit Dan Bumi Meruntuh
Biar Jasad Kita Tertimbun Di Sana
Tetap Bersama, Tak Ingin Lepas
Mencintaimu Ku Jadi Begini

A song specially for someone special. A song i'll dedicate to someone who is far yet always near to my heart. A song which my heart will sing out to, to a person who has conquered my heart. Somehow, i felt that in times to come, we'll be seperated by time. Something that i can't seem to shun it away. Tell me why that feeling still linger deep down inside of me. I don't wish to see it that way. I want a smile on my face each time i think of you. Despite that, u've always been the reason to my smiles ever since the time that i felt a tinge of emotion towards you. Sometimes i wonder why this feeling about you is all true?

Hold me near to your arms again and whisper this to my ears...
with you forever, i'll never be alone.

Kiss me once more with your gentle lips and whisper this to my ears..
forever with you, this feeling will linger.

I love you. Something i dare not say. Something i never wish to admit.
But i just did.

Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay‏

I feel your heart, in my heart

2009-09-13T17:35:00.002+08:00

Hello there. Gosh, i really do miss blogging. Been like a week since i laid my finger here. Hahs. Well people, its not that i have abandoned this site but its more to like me having no interest in this and thus, leading me to have no more ideas like how i used to before. Maybe, at some point of time, i would have alot of things to blog about but each time when i sit infront of the screen, with my finger all ready to type it all down, there goes.. all ideas will instantly vanished. And... then... i'd automatically click the 'x' button at the top right hand corner and off ill head to another link. Haha. Now you know why it has been some time since i get this thing updated. (:

Alot of things have been happening recently, during this week especially. Those were bittersweet, no doubt. There were also at some particular point of time, i was so down that i donnoe what to do or where to go. That was when i felt like hiding myself from everyone and shout from the top of my voice to a wide empty surrounding. Well, it was my fault. I did things irrationally and thus, leading me to this kind of situation. Well, now, im just going with the flow, hoping for a better resort. Which ever it is, i dont wish to repeat the mistakes i did once, not long time ago. Not one, but three were broken. And now, i dont wish to see it happening again. For if it does, im sure not to forgive myself ever. Hmm...

090909. The birth of a life of two souls. It was unexpected. A reason to agree. A reason to nod my head. A reason to the birth of it. Still young like a baby, who is yet to see what lies for him in future. Whether if it's gonna turn out full of stumbling blocks or a smooth journey to sail, no one knows, not even us. I'm sorry if i wasnt being a good one in this few days of ours. Grant me some time more. Instill patience in me. Solitude me with peace and calmness. I shall then be my ownself in times to come.

Followed by a memorable node to remember. Again, it was unthought-of. As i witness the blue sea before me, and as i was being wrapped by an emotion of warm affection, i smiled. Nothing more i craved for, than being there with a strong feeling of emotion in between. Through telepathic waves, our hearts are connected. A year from now, would we still be alive in the life of ours?

Love:

Give it some time. Love takes root slowly and grows with time

Infatuation:

Infatuation grows into full bloom almost immediately.

Bagaikan Mawar, Selalu Mekar Di Hati

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I LOVE MY LITTLE SISTER LIKE HOW THE HEAD LOVES THE HAIR! *Keep growing what!*

Heeeeee!!! ((((:

Walaupun Badai datang melanda...

2009-09-05T15:42:00.000+08:00

Usah lepas genggaman tangan mu

Usah biar semua berlalu

Usah terlupa perasaan hati

Pertama kali kita bertemu

Usah lepaskan

When happy pills are consumed

2009-09-03T05:35:00.001+08:00

Look at the time! Its nearing 5 and im still wide awake. Sahur in a few min time with the family. Somehow, i just couldnt shut my eyes and land myself in the lala world, no matter how much i yearn to get there as soon as possible. Well perhaps, while waiting for the time to get the food to be ingested into the tummy, i shall hereby post a decent entry, since it has been quite sometime since i ranted one. Hahs!

I was skimming through the past entries, from the recent one. Well yea, this month's. And i realised something which was quite a sad thing to me. Those entries sounded downright sombre. Seemingly it dosent have that kind of light. Yah, you know that sort of bright happy kind of atmosphere while you're on the track reading. Compared to the previous years, i sounded more alive and full. Prolly, as years passed, the hyperactive in me tend to subside and that scares me truly! Seriously, i needa gain back that emotion that ive been chucking aside for the past few months! hoho!

Few days back, me and some others visited bartley and hell yea, it was one marvellous visit despite only a few came down. The reason why i said marvellous was.... That place really brings a hell lot of memories! I seriously and undeniably missed that place like one crazy freak! Been a year since i last visited that place and the moment i went out of the exam hall, i straight away walked my way hurriedly towards the road and hailed for a cab. And when i got there at bartley, my heart truly beat spastically that i could just blow my head off somewhere without thinking of anything. Yea, that much misses! The feeling was really undescribdable. Woo~

Gosh! Cikgu Asmadi is just the SWEEEEEETESSST! (((:

Anticipating the upcoming teachers day. All thanks to my COMPUTER PROGRAMMING for the lateness i arrived to my darling secondary school. If it wasnt because of that 1230 to 230 pm, i would have gotten there earlier and could catch up with many others. Well it's okay. There is always next time. Not gonna get myself too caught up with it. hee (:

What about today? Ooo La Laaaa~
Someone surprised me! Wait, mybe surprised wont be a good word to use.. Hmm..
Well, perhaps.. Yea.. Someone out there has successfully astonished me with his sudden coming! Hehs.

Beep Beep. A message recieved. He wanted to meet me up. But i insisted that we shall meet each other up straight on the 8th with the rest. After which, another message recieved, asking me what floor am i staying in. That message really left me dumbfounded for a few second. Then later on, it followed by another message, asking me if im having yellow for my curtains.

Gosh! i seriously was baffled with questions right after that. It was around 1020 at that point of time. Curiosity then got the better of me, so I decided to investigate. Trying to be an agent. (GOSH! THAT REALLY REMINDS ME OF THE PAST WHEN I USED TO REALLY ACT LIKE ONE SECRET AGENT, INVESTIGATING PEOPLES' IDENTITY! ESPECIALLY THOSE WHOM I HAVE CRUSHES ON. AN AGENT007 MY NICKNAME WAS! GOSH GOSH GOSH! THOSE WERE THE YEARS!! SEC ONE TIME BABY!)

Back to where i was... the moment the lift opened and after i walked a few steps ahead, we instantly saw each other. He was sitting at the shelter near the carpark, just right below 415. I then, without much hesitation, walked to him and we chatted for quite some time. Never realised that it has reached 11plus. Many stories were brought up. It was really a great time having him by the side. Really enjoying his presence. Thanks Mr Izuddin! (: Well, all in all, we both actually were surprised by each other's presence. He got the feeling that i'd come down but didnt expect that i would. Whereas i had the feeling that he was somewhere there around my block area but didnt expect that he would really be there. So yea, you get the picture? haha (:
The sweetness of it all :)

Later on:
Poppye T1 with Rafi and the sweethearts.
Friday:
The day that I'M FREE! =D
Saturday:
Breaking fast with Dz, Azeez, Ridzwan and Mahathir
Sunday:
Breaking fast with both Tini and Husna
Monday:
Another day that i'm all free! =DD
Tuesday:
Simpang Bedok with Izuddin and the crazy bunch! (:
Wednesday:
EC0909's date. Not sure if they're coming down. if not, Syahmeer, lets go out, together with the bengs! =D
Thursday:
Home, finally! heeees!
Friday:
Tini's birthday celebration. yay!

After 11th, ill be one free soul! Couldnt wait for that day! Gonna stay home throughout the entire week. So people! DONT ask me out right after 11th! Haha. I wanna dedicate my time fully to home! I wanna make my own kuih raya! My own recipe! Okay, for that i'm sure the GFs will go... "NOOOOOO!!" lol! heeee. (:

Yayyy! I'm happy. Finally, i sounded all enthusiastic and full of yellow yellow emotion here and there.. teeheeee~

Takecare, people (:

When neutralization occurs...

2009-08-29T13:44:00.005+08:00

Noticed that if something is still in your posession, you'll tend to ignore it, being ignorant of its presence. But once it has gone, you'll be down with miserable, trying to gain it back once again.

Meeting up with the girls on this coming Monday. It's gonna be hectic. I'm missing them. Not to forget that place. The place which unites us. Also the place which led us to various arguments. But thanks to them, they actually strengthed the bond between us. (:

I'm missing 2005! That year, full of laughters and joy. That year, where i was at the peak of the coaster. That year, like a dream in a reality world. So surreal!

Bottomline is, treasure what you have now. Don't mistreat them for you'll be surprised of how short time is. In future, you'll never know what has it got for you. The present shall not always be there. Despite that, chin up. Cause along the years, you'll get double the happiness. Appreciate the thing you own it now - The reason to your future delights.

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I've got it good. I'm thankful. But part of me is in reluctance. I've got to change it somehow. Neutralising it into chemically neutral. I need to put a stop into this chemistry. Its breaking not only one party but both. The hurts i felt has overwhelmed me that i tend not see things in a clearer node. I dont wish to have that kind of effect to have a great impact on me. I'm sorry dear you. I shouldnt have instilled that kind of emotion. I will try to subside it. And if ever a day it haunts me once again, i'll try my hardest to think rationally and never to jump into any silly conclusions. I'm beginning to have trust in you, love.

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Geylang later~
Miss that sourheart so much! HAHS! (:

Perhaps my unintended, you?

2009-08-28T21:11:00.007+08:00

People say, Don't play with fire if you dont wish to burn yourself.

Ever since that day onwards, i made a vow to never get myself involved in this kind of issues. I promised not to play with this kind of games and get the eyes to sore. As vulnerable as it is, i made a decision to take good care of it by staying myself away from those uneeded stuffs.

Despite being all neutral and zero, the effect is still intense. How can i prolong this? It will only jeopardize the thing that is already alive. I never want it to die. If only i could go back to square one, i'd do just anything for it. Just anything. You name it, i'll do. But naah, i believe it'd be hard to adapt to that long gone atmosphere.

Trust is really a big word to me. Especially in this game of hearts. The cracks from those days are still healing. Yet to recover. The key is with you. Don't misuse it. I plead.

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Been awhile since i went simpang. Breaking my fast over at that place with those boys. Nasi Pattaya and Longan Drink. Couldnt finish up the food. Good thing that Hasif has a big appetite. Phew. Thanks, you (: Somehow, im craving for..... Poppye? Heading there with Rafi on this coming Wed, Yay! (:

Am fully book next week. Results in a months time. I'm biting my fingers now! *Scratch head* I still wanna be with my 0909! Speaking of which, 090909 is coming reaaaal soooon, 0909's special date! So sweeeeeet! (: Haha..

I waana meeeet many many people now!!
Especially those people...........................

Azeez, Dz and lain lain bila nk meeeet up nie? (:

Petty little silly stuffs

2009-08-28T00:00:00.003+08:00

Being swept over by the negative thoughts.

I'm okay now.

Yay.

They're just humans like me. So?

It's pretty normal for me to feel this way.

But i have to extinguish it out and awaaay from my life.

The reason why i hate having this kind of petty feelings.

Petty? Yea, for me.

Takecare!

The Peace of Mind

2009-08-27T13:56:00.011+08:00

How much simpler my life would be if there were no disagreements to resolve, no challenges to work out, no dilemmas to clear up!

Yet even with all of life's ups and downs, I can enjoy stress-free simplicity by allowing God's gentle spirit to work in and through me.

In prayer, gently, so gently... God takes me by the hand and leads me into a realization of peace and contentment. Here with God, I am open to the wonders of life. Here with God, I understand that the most complex situation becomes simple. I gain a new perspective, a clarity of purpose that gives me the strength I need to live life fully. In every moment of the day.

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Love, 16th you are this year. A year older. A year wiser. Yet, no matter how old you are, do know that in my eyes, you'll always be my baby. The baby sister who will always twinkle, brighter each day. I need nothing more other than seeing a smile craves on your face. Your happiness means alot to me, my dear. I'll be here close to you, in both physically and mentally. For my heart is never far and is always near to you. With all of my heart, i dearly love you, sweetheart (:

And so, Ramadhan is here again. Apparently, it seems that Syawal was just yesterday. And now, like a blink of an eye, it'll come and visit us again in a months time (: Excited. Anticipating the day so dearly! (: Need to catch up with the old mates, baby! Yay!

Dinner with both cousin and little sister some days ago. It was a blast. Awesome night out. Many things were brought up. Be it about schools, relationships, friendships, family etc. They're the best people to talk about everything under the sun. (:

Izan:

Lelaki Ain taknak. Perempuan Ain taknak. Ain nak apa ni?

Kaseh:
Nak yang transexual tak, kak?

GILAAAA~ haha

True what the brother said. It is as though i am acting selfish. No, I am selfish. Perhaps, all accumulates to the fear that i am having all along. Gosh, I need to learn how to forget things and not let them affect me in anyway. The past is nothing if compared to the future. If i could apply that on myside, im sure i'd be more understanding in this type of situation.

No one is above you Unless you let them be. The motto which i used to instill in myself. The reason why i never once felt threatened by anyone or anybody. Now, i shall keep it that way and maintain it. And not let anybody distrupt the positive mind i am currently having.

i + opp of w + initial of ice + 2wice the letter b4 t + 3/4 of x + 15th letter + 1/2 o

R+CAT+SHOE-RAT+SUN-CHOSE+MOON+I-NOON+GOAL+T-GOAT-U+E!

Try to decode them.
That person is UBERLY SWEEEEEEET, i cannot tahaaaaaaan! hehehehe~

=DD

Soon, no more owls in the night

2009-08-22T09:57:00.013+08:00

First & foremost, Happy belated 46th Birthday to my dad! Hehs! (:
It has been days since his birthday yet only now then i have the time to wish it down here. Gosh!

My boyfriend. My lover. My sweetheart. The dearest one whom i'll keep dearly close to my heart. The one who is always there to hear me out, be it whereever and whenever. The closest buddy who knows me in and out. The one whom i'll never fail to wait by the door each time when he's near to home. The hand ill never forget to kiss as a form of respect and love. The one whom i'd lie down beside with and talk all things out throughout the night. The cuddle whom i'll yearn for each night and the advises whom ill never get tired listening from.Thanks for always believing in me. Thanks for the support that u have given in me. It's truly a blessing to have you as a father. I love you. And i really do.

Semestral Exams in days time. Starting from Monday onwards and will only ends on the following week. After which, a holiday that is. Somehow or rather, it seems that this holiday is gonna be packed with loads of thing. Outings which consist of several meet ups. Definitely i can't wait for it to come. Anticipating it dearly! Woohoo! (: I wanna visit Bartley Sec. I'm missing that school to the very bits of pieces. A place where i learnt what true patience is. Hahs! Imagine, liking a person for five freaking years silently? LOL! okay, old story. Hehs (: But I'm glad that the friendship between me and him is still as strong as ever. Gosh! I'm sure you know who you are and i'm sure u're reading this! You takecare okay! And be happy always hehs! All blessings with you, you dearest one! *Flying Hugs!* Hahs! (Okay, lame!)

Talking about Bartley Sec, I miss my 4e2 sweethearts! Hmph! When are we gonna meet up, darlings? Hmm.

Some may ask, why do i suddenly raved about the past. Well, if you were to be my avid reader ever since the blog before this, you'd know that my likings towards that past crush was crazy. So crazy that i now couldnt imagine myself to be acting that passionately now. Hoho! Girlfriends should definitely agree on this. And that was the period where i was confused. Terribly confused between two. Relationship and Friendship.

Good thing that all have ended. None of them remained. The heart became peaceful and calm, cleaned from those massive mess. Alhamdulillah (:

Some days ago, I was asked by a dearest new friend to rant about relationships. My view and all. In the past, ive always think that it's not wrong for students at young age to involve in that kind of ties, despite how my parents and teachers used to really bound me from getting into it. Well, i still remember how my form teacher and both my parents really insist me of breaking up with the old flame. But i was too stringently stubborn to obey and ended up leading myself in a state where studies wasnt my top priority, leading me to a downfall in the first olevel intake. Serve me great damn right! (:

Regret then clouded around me. But it all had happened. All i could do is to just take them as a learning point for the upcoming challenges that will be held to me.

Well, what's now? I'm not in the mood to be tied down by any unofficial ties. Hahs. What do i mean by unofficial? Well, it's the relationship that you always heard. To me, the chances of seperating and be back to strangers are highly up. Even though, i'm a risk taker, but not in the game of hearts. I'm afraid that i'd just break down and stupidity would overcome both my emotions and mentality. Worst stage if physically sufferings were to also get involved. Gosh, i rather stay away from those anguish and get my life be as straight as now.

No doubt, i have eyes on people. And it's quite confusing if the heart couldnt really communicate that well with the mind. The battle of the heart and mind. Sounds familiar. A phrase which i loved to rant about some years back then. Thus, unfortunately, i'm currently hit by the same kind of problem which i used to face before. Gosh! What the heck! I never like this to happen. And never hope that this kind of thing would ever stumble upon me ever again. But i guess, it's out of my control.

Kaseh:
Pelik. Of all many people, kenapa dorang juga yang dapat melekat kat hati akak?

The heart says this but the mind says that.

Told someone this....

I rather use the mind than the heart. For the mind can slowly overcome the needness of the heart. Everything is in the mind, remember?

I've gotten the answer.

It'll soon be gone, i believe. And if that day does come, please remember something. This world, where everything seems UNCERTAIN, only one thing is DEFINITE. You'll always be my FRIEND, beyond WORDS, beyong TIME and beyond DISTANCE.

Okay, enough of that. By the way...................................

I was on the cam with this dear Friend of mine last night. Till about in the wee hours. He's like the Faithful companion who would stay with me throughout the night and listen to my nonsence. Oh wait, perhaps its more to me listening to his nonsence! Hahs (: Then, i came across something so cute. I won't say it's hilarious but prolly it's more to...... hmm, sweetness? Hahs! Okay, shun that away. Editted it abit to beautify the pic. Hehs =)

p/s: i bet you've already have someone else in ur life. Till then, i shall take a step back and wish you an adieu (:
Cause, i dont think the question you posed that night was random. No ordinary, i believe.

Something to think about. A conversation between me and MRrafi ((:

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Stop me. Prevent me. Block my way.

As the MIGHTY SWEAR BY TIME...

2009-08-15T12:45:00.002+08:00

You know, i never thought i could go through alot of things within just a year. Those experiences are now i possesed and viewed as an asset. Something i can never replaced with. So valuable that it planted a smile on my face with tears brimming in my eyes.

It has been a year since this blog is up, still as strong as ever. A year may seem a short period to some people but seeing how this blog has been there for me through ups and down, really swayed my heart to treasure it even more. If only it is truly a person, ill be the utmost devoted to him. Sadly, it is just a mere diary.

I once had another treasurable blog. a3ynn@blogspot. For 3 years, we've been together. However, it was to no last. It ended the time when i was still in my 16. I thought we could be forever. Unfortunately fate wasnt on our side and thus, we had to finally bid each other goodbye.

Some people; be it friends, couples, colleagues, families, owners & their pets, classmates, schoolmates etc. may have said this to one another; never to go away from each others' life and be always there together through thick or thin, no matter what price it takes. Time waits for no one. As time passes by, new things will come by and new experiences will be implemented. Thus, there is a great possibility that the old one will be replaced like the displacement reaction of metals.

Setiap kali ombak memukul, pantai berubah, inikan pula mengikuti peredaran masa & masa itu tidak menjanjikan kerana masa slalu meninggalkan.

The birth of that phrase the time when the thoughts were running through my mind.

Though the heart is One, it still can varies. Thus, im afraid to look forward to tomorrow. Something which isn't seem to be me at all. Something i dont quite sure why it has that great effect on me. Denying the Undeniable, perhaps.

If only there is no INNITIAL, prolly this matter won't be brought up at all. In fact, it wont bring that much thought in me. 4 months ago, everything was normal. Unexpectedly, it accelerates within those period.... So fast. I wish I could just stop the time. Sadly, no. Suratul-Asr. That surah really wakens me up to Reality.

The surah begins with Time and ends with Sabr which is Patience . Sabr is the shrinking of time. For instance, if we want to eat a fruit which is not yet ripe, we know we have to wait for it to ripen and we agree to do so. Thus, What we are doing is shrinking the time into "zero time". - Patience

Time... Patience....
Well, If you look at the lives of great people. There is one thing in common. Which is we all have 24 hrs in a day. But the way they used their time has made the difference.

Its no surprise if im not here tomorrow

2009-08-13T00:25:00.022+08:00

It is blissful, blessed with beautful things. With you, I feel so at ease, as though my world is painted with beautiful rainbows, with beautiful butterflies flying around it. That kind of beauty. Something so amazing. Truly one of a kind.

Sadly, everything will sure come to an end. It will soon become memories in times to come. You and me will be out from all dictionaries. Like rainbows, it will fade away and butterflies, will move away to another vicinity. In short, everything is not constant. It'll vary. By the thought of this, really gripped me with fear. No doubt, I am afraid of losing you. Perhaps, we are. But, nothing can change the absolute fact that everything will be nothing more but just history.

Seperti Nasi Minyak, sebelum merasainya, harumannya dan kelazatannya sungguh menyelerakan. Namun, setelah ia disantap, seperti lazimnya, kenikmatannya akan terus pudar dan lantas, hilanglah keistimewaannya. Sungguh menyedihkan.

I dont wish that theory to be instilled in this special ties of ours. I rather let it go now than later. I rather we be strangers than being so closed and ended up in tears and pain. I rather you hate me that ure being hated. Cause now, everything is in a terrible haze. I'm in total confusion.

I'm sorry for taking back my words. I'm sorry for this sudden entry. I'm sorry for everything. Like I've said, I'm not fit to be a friend of yours. Exclude me out from your circle and I'll assure you happiness for a lifetime. I'm still missing you, and i hate it, cause i cant seem to bear this missing presence. Perhaps, it'd be good if i were to burn this feeling like how you told me to burn that tissue away. Speaking of which, worry not, everything will become ashes in times to come. It'll soon come!

A day I'll never forget and will be ALWAYS be etched somewhere there in the memory.

I shall infer about the artist of the above drawing.

I'm sure he is someone sincere. Someone romantic. Someone passionate and very affectionate.

Very down-to-earth person who is for sure a gentleman he is. Not forgetting, someone loving and loyal. I wish i could meet someone like him in the near future. Exactly like him.

Your true love would be the luckiest person ever lived in this universe. May you meet her someday, the one whom you'd love whole-heartedly and dearly. (:
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Question mark? With head of a heart?

To the owner of that signature, I'm still missing you. Tell me how should i put an end to it?

Cause ure the key to everything. Especially to this little door inside.

p/s: That question is still running through my mind. Sadly, you're not. I've to let it go!

When new meets the old, as one

2009-08-09T00:24:00.009+08:00

I miss us hanging around Singapore together!
I miss being tightly hugged by them both!
And most of all, i miss my hair!
My long hair! Ahhh!

Caaaaaaaan i have my long hair back pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?
I wonder why on earth i decided to cut my hair like thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis..................
Hmmm......

Today................

I don't feel like blogging. I wanna watch movies. Excited for tomorrow. Meeting Bernice at Bedok inter and off we'll go singing the birthday song to Nabilah! Haha! Will update about it once ive reached home from the pit, hehs =D

Should have met both Haqim and Sabri today. However, at the very last minute, i decided to just stay at home. To both of you, I'm sorry yah!
Sekiranya ditakdirkan, kita akan berjumpa lagi! hee (:

Little Sister was so effing cute earlier in the afternoon. Kissed her all over! That explains why i fell off the bed due to her hard push today! baaaah~ She's just so cute, i can't resist! (:

My current Classmates! (((:
Always put a smile on my face. heee~
Heart them loads! =)

The ex-classmates!
i love them okay!!

I was in the library with the current classmates.
Suddenly i received a call from Elfyee.
Picked it up and I then......
.....jumped for joy!!
A surprise visit from them!
Never thought it'd happen!
Gosh!!!! Thanks, dearest!
((((((((((((:

After which, i instantly ran my way to them.
Yes, i speed my way through!
As though i was in the airport searching for that very prince charming of mine who is about to leave the country, after we had a big tiff with each other, ouhkay, so dramatic i know! But it was as though like that! Haha!

My heart really beat like no one's business and yes, i was excited in seeing them. The moment our eyes met, i straight away jumped euphorically and yelled out loud, didnt care at all about the surrounding. Truly i was touched by their sudden coming. Heeee~

Later on, we met Sebastian over at Macd. Chaotic moments i tell you!
Camwhored and yeah, we also took a video of us. Will publish it once i received it from that DARLING Sebastian! HAHAAHAHAH!
*inside joke* Hehs! =)

p/s: I miss my very 4e2007! That bunch of sweethearts!

&ouh, i miss you!

The tears of friendship

2009-08-07T21:03:00.005+08:00

Drafted some of the entries yesterday.
That was after I heard certain things from someone.
I'm still clueless about it.
Some say it is. While others say its not.
I dont really know what to do now.
For if i should follow their advices or to just stick with my ways.
No doubt, I am currently being bigheaded.
All due thanks to the hurt I'm feeling.
Thus i guess it's explainable.

That mere FOUR things within that four days have actually shattered my heart real hard that words cant really describe the feeling. I cant simply tell you everything. Main reason is ..... I myself not even sure why. You pleaded me to give you another chance and I welcomed that request with open arms. But I'm not sure why it seems so hard for us to be like before despite the fact that we want it real bad.

You want my old self back. I tried to be what you want me to. However, its not that easy, my dear. One thing for sure, just remember, this friendship, i'll treasure no matter how hard it needs to be handled at times. And just so you know, i cherish this friendship so much. So much more than you can ever imagine. Do you know how beautiful it is having you by the side even if we weren't talking? If only you knew, you'd know how much your presence means to me. Like you, i donwanna end this too, this beautiful ties. A complicated one indeed.

Like I said..... Time heals.....

Your pain will subside and my tears will be dried up with the time.

Promise me you'll never hurt yourself. For every hurts you feel, is equivalent to a tub full of my tears. And if you donwana see me in anguish, then please dont bear any injuries to yourself. I plead.

i miss you. do you?
Even though you're that near.

FLY HERE BACK AGAIN

2009-08-06T03:53:00.006+08:00

I'm all contented now.
(:

Thanks Brother Meow.
Hehs!

And you, i'm sorry.
:)

Heading off to bed, with a smile plasted on the face.

(This friday, submission of two projects with explainations, GRRaaaah!)

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~~namun aku masih serba curiga tentang segalanya. lebih lagi kata-kata si dia yang bagaikan menikam hingga ke lubuk hati.~~ - Wonder if the things that Nang said are still true.

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9am, shall be in school lib tmr! taaaaaak kisah!
insyaallah(:

Fly away Guardian Angel

2009-08-05T20:05:00.006+08:00

What happen?
Everything seems so wrong.
I hate the way it is now. And how we are presently.
I hate everything that has happened.
For that, Im hating myself. Especially for the things I've done.
All were worthless, useless and wretch.

That night, i came across a picture which its details revealed me something.
Tears then fell by itself.
Last night, the doings realised me something.
Tears then flowed down profusely.
Today, a truth was known. It was revealed by a trusted one.
It hit me like a ball dashing across my face.
Pain was all i felt. No tears this time round.
Perhaps, it has already been dried up earlier deep inside.

Took 72 and headed Tampines. From there, walked home. 2 Hours Journey.
Felt much better after which.

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And dont come back

Your face in a crowded place

2009-08-02T20:27:00.012+08:00

It was dull and dim. Everything was mundane.
But, eversince then, somehow, it changed 360 degrees around.
It became colourful and lively. Everything now seems fulfilled.
Everyday, a new day, a day i never want to miss.

Like a ray of light, shining through my darkness.
Like a rose, diffusing the fragrance scent to the foul-smelling around.
A guardian angel you are. Always be. Stay and don't ever leave. I plead (:

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An awesome day out with Ibu, Siskaseh and CuzenIzan.
Fireworks were superb. Hehs.

Over in the MSN, that very classmate of mine said that my legs are like KFC ayam.
*Roarr!*
Later on, Ibu too said the same thing. Ishk!! Boleh sama gitu ehh?
Thanks ehh to both Ibu and Hasif. Haha! ((:

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Mind too saturated thinking of something to rant any further.
I wish this could last forever.
I pray it will (:
One thing for sure, I never wanna let go of this feeling.
Shall keep it safe deep down within, without anyone knows.
Cause i believe, once it spills out, the beauty of it will come to an end.

When being very official and everyone knows, what's so special that's being kept within XY and YY?

Caused of that Phobic Neorosis

2009-08-01T11:16:00.018+08:00

Suddenly, it seems like everything is crumbling down on me. Suddenly, the past incident flashed through my mind. Suddenly, beads of tears came running down the cheek. No point regretting. It already had happened. Now, i don wish to repeat it once more. Not even to relive it back again in the memory. But somehow, it couldnt stop haunting me. It has already been part of me. Something that ive been keeping deep within me. So deep that none knows. Perhaps a few. The feeling is just uberly absurd. It dosent go away no matter how buckets ive shed my tears in.

Four years back. I wish i could be that someone again. Sadly, i can't.

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i'm lost for words.
Shall just post in pictures.
Will be back with alphebeticals soon.
Not for now. Many things have been happening.

She said, perhaps this is one way how God wants me to reach Him often again, like how i used to.
Hmm.. Sometimes, i just wish i could run away to fantasy island. But naah, i believe, I'm way stronger than that! Reality, you wait for me.

; my dirty little secret

Hear me no more!

2009-07-29T23:38:00.001+08:00

I wanna go away, far far AWAY from YOU!
Period!

Bagaikan burung terlepas dari sangkarnya

2009-07-29T17:44:00.004+08:00

Di dalam genggaman ini, layang-layang itu tidak pernah hilang. Ke hulu ke hilir, aku membawanya, selalu dekat di sisi. Namun, hampa aku dibuatnya tatkala angin bayu seolah-olah mengusung ia jauh ke usuk barat. Bagaikan timur tidak lagi dipandangnya. Ikutkan hati, ingin sahaja aku merentapnya, kembali dekat di sisi. Malangnya, semakin kuat rasa hati ini ingin memanggilnya pulang, semakin kuat lagi gerak hati ingin sahaja membiarkan ia pergi. Pergi jauh tidak kembali.

Andai sungguh ia tahu apa yang selama ini tertakhluk di hati...........

Namun, akan ku kini leraikan semuanya di sini, agar segala rasa tidak lagi bersemadi di hati.

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Very sweeet! Taken from "Kuliah Cinta".

Speak without words

2009-07-29T01:18:00.002+08:00

I carry your heart, i carry it in my heart.

The rising of a new Moon

2009-07-27T04:45:00.003+08:00

Eyes are still wide open, despite the promises I've made to MRsomeone that I'll sleep early today. For that, to you, I'm sorry.

Don't you think that the life you're going through is somewhat weird? At the same time, absolutely unique in its very own way. How one thing could lead to another. The simplest thing can actually make a significant change on various things. Like a cycle, if any of its sequences are affected, it will emphatically has an effect to the upcoming one. Even if its just a bare impingement.

But i still believe, there is always a reason to everything. Thus, perhaps, due to those impact, a happier life will be in the way. You may not see it now, but later on, in the near future, it'll be clearly seen.

I've seen it myself the beautiful effect it has on me. I'm now smiling gleefully to how ive changed from that kind of terrible mood to this. How refreshing! No words could ever describe the feeling i'm now having deep inside. Been a while since it came. I donwanna wish to release it, not at all. Gonna hold it near and dearly to my heart; something i will uphold, till the day i have to let it go, which i'll pray it'll never come.

When e cloud passes over e moon

2009-07-22T12:11:00.018+08:00

The handphone bill came today. $160 for this month. Somehow or rather, i don't feel the need of handphone these few days. In fact, I've been shuting it down ever since this morn.

As i'm ranting this entry, i'm feeling all cranky. Wish that i could just stray myself away in a place where there is nothing. Somewhere where i could fly myself up high freely. It's like my mind couldn't explain what's in the heart content. Everything seems so obscured.

I've seen things you havent. I've experienced things you've yet to. I've gone through things you would never want to. Like a flower that has yet to blossom. I need a fruit. A fruit to keep me all nutritious. Could you?

Presenting you the NYP News Channel from EC0909
; Joanna, Syahmeer, Hasif, Ady, Helmi, Ain
Hehs!

When medications take effect

2009-07-20T17:16:00.003+08:00

Extremely was healthy the day before. Been aeons since i last caught a flu and the darn fever. Unfortunately they struck me today. Early in the morn, i was moaning for blankets. One after another. Ibu was utterly shock by it. This morning was frigging cold despite the fact that the fan has been tilted to the other corner. Awful!

Felt like a megrim. But neah, i don't think so. Definitely just a normal headache. Yea, that similar kind of pain. Felt so woozy each time i stood up. Finally, i dwelt back on my bed and fell into a deeep sleep. Ibu then took a firm stand to bring me to the doctor. Initially, i was dragging my feet to go there but after seeing her endless bugging, i had no choice but to just go with the flow.

The doctor was so frigging cute! Not as in adorable but it was actually more to a sacarsm remark! Hehs.

Doctor:
Have you not getting enough sleep?
Me:
Errrr...
Doctor:
Okay, from now onwards, sleep early.
Me:
????

Gosh! Perhaps due to my puffy eyes, yea? Seriously, i was really lack of energy to even reply any of his questions. Prolly more of his nonsense. Hehs. Okay, fine! I'm being very temperamental today. Thanks to this darn headache! I should be resting now and not get my eyes fixed to the screen. But heck, the project seems easy but not when i tried to compile & run it. 20% done on my side. Left vacuous for the remainders! Help, anyone!

Will be meeting those boys in an hour or two. Better get some rest for a mo. Starting to see stars here and there, argh! Takecare!

When The clock keeps ticking

2009-07-16T22:19:00.020+08:00

They were saying about CUM.
What the heck.
A bunch of High people there. hahs.
Nevertheless, they're still as cute as ever.
Not forgetting, as horny as they always be. LOL!
And now, i'm anticipating the day that we're gonna meet up.
A hell of a reunion outing, definitely.

In short, I miss my fellow E2-ians okay! (((:

Those EC0909 malay guys were playing soccer outside the lecture theatres.
It led me to the past memories.
After school, 4E2s would assemble outside NCC room, playing around with bottles, treating them as though they were soccer balls. Hilarious yet an authentic moment that was! (:

Apart from that, it also brought back memories between me and the ex-boyfriend. The time how he used to teach me the methods of playing soccer. Fun time we had, no doubt. Especially the time when we were with his fellow friends. I would tag along as a nosey-parker, meddling in their affairs. LOL!

Somehow or rather, both Zyzy and Ady remind me of Emieyn. Yea, I used to be one hell of an outgoing girlfriend who would get along with his friends in just a blink of an eye. And he would never leave me alone even if his friends were around. Probably the reason why i had never disagree to follow any of his outings with his fellow friends. In fact, i enjoyed every min of it. A character in him which i truly admire. Something i don't really see in most guys these days. Somewhat, they didnt really know how to differenciate between friends and girlfriend. Worst still, new friends and the old friends. Utterly dissapointed in some people.

Many people have been asking me about relationship. Truthfully, the first thing that came to mind was, "Siow arh?!" Lol! Please never, Never ask me any questions regarding the above subject. I simply have never thought about it before the moment i said goodbye to my 5 years 3 months 10 days relationship, Haha! I never hated guys. Not even that I have became a lesbian, haha (funny sia you people who have been asking my lil sister about this, lol!) I'm still straight for goodness sake! hehs :D And I still have a thing for man! (take note of this, MAN!)

However, my likings towards those random strangers are like hello & goodbye. Never really got stuck inside. Probably less than an hour. Hoho! Liking someone is not my game. If i like, means i really like. What's more Love. If that happens, it means i finally have met my very prince charming. Well, not for now though. 'Like' maybe there IS. (hear this, LIKE & IS!)

Me:
Ibu, kakak taknak kahwin.
Ibu:
Huh? Abih kau taknak anak?
Me:
Taknak!
Ibu:
Abih nak tinggal dgn sapa?
Me:
Tinggal Sorang!
Ibu:
Abih ibu kau nak campak kat mana?
Me:
ehhh? Tinggal dgn ibu sekali laaa.

LOL! something random like that also kena shoot! Ishk!

Sometimes, it feels so real that i dont wish to be with anyone.
At times, it varies.
Where has the passionate character in me gone to?
I've somewhat faded away the fairytales in me.
No longer who i used to be.
I missed my old self.
The lala-wonderland girl who's so passionate like those princesses in fairyland.
Hmmm...

I love my girls! Hehs!
They're the best!! ((:

THE ALIEN EFFECT ON ME

2009-07-14T21:27:00.017+08:00

The song really touched my heart that tears inadvertently rolled down the cheeks. He is incredibly such a great singer, who's voice soothes the ears, also the heart (:

Sacrificing is the main word for now. The one that has been unruly rebellious is my inner self, the teenager's desire and I need to shun that selfish feeling away. Rather than getting myself all aroused with anger and hatred, it'd be good if i becalm myself and let the mind do the thinking. Sometimes, the heart can ruin you, also the people around. For that, i feel so much sin on me. Regretting is useless. Atoning the sins with a sincere heart is what matters the most now.

By the way, conversation between ibu and me which i found it hillarious.

Me:
Ibu, *insert name* tk cakap ngan kakak harini.
Ibu:
Malam gaduh kat sekolah gaduh. Orang patut baik-baik, korang gaduh-gaduh plak.
Me:
?????

That means ibu has been listening to the ''talkings of the night''. Ishk! Boleh gitu eh. Hahs.

Left 4 Dead was loved! Very much loved! (:

3 hours break were spent taking neo prints, window shopping and camwhoring.

And now, i dont wish to continue any further. Not in the mood.
To those whom i didnt reply their SMS-es and calls, i apologise.

p/s: what's with the silent treatment?